


Heartbeat

by KO5



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-13 04:45:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 31,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4508301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KO5/pseuds/KO5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blessed with renowned professional careers and unconditional love from their two little girls, Hope Solo and Kelley O’Hara couldn’t be happier. However, when Kelley pressures Hope for an addition to their family, they are faced with unthinkable challenges- ones that make their hearts beat faster than they could have ever imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We’re Happy, Right?

**Author's Note:**

> My first O'Solo story. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

"Come on, Charlie, let's get you some breakfast.” 

Hope placed her 3 year old daughter at the dining table and walked into the kitchen. She quickly cut up a banana and placed the pieces in front of the eager little girl. As she continued to peruse the fridge and pantry for more food, she felt a sudden presence next to her. 

“Hey Solo, are you making me some food too?” 

Hope smiled at Kelley and her cheeky expression on her face. Even after all these years, both they and their friends often joked around by calling each other by their last names or the more common names given by their teammates. It was what they were used to and simply just another perk of playing professional soccer for a living. 

“Get your own food, KO.”

“Ugh, fine! Maybe I’ll go steal some from our tiny human.” Kelley joked and walked towards the dining table. 

As soon as Charlie noticed Kelley walking over, she lit up and held her hands out. “Mama!” 

Kelley was quick to pick her up and twirl her around before sitting back down at the table with Charlie on her lap, “Good morning, little squirrel. Are you enjoying your banana? Do you think I can have some?” 

She opened her mouth and pointed inwards. Charlie raised a piece to Kelley’s mouth, but quickly pulled away and popped it into her own. “Hey! That was for me!” Kelley fake pouted and then began tickling her. 

Hope watched the two from the kitchen and chuckled to herself. She wasn’t surprised that Kelley turned out to such a good mother. Her personality was already playful and goofy- perfect for children, especially Charlie. Charlotte Amelia Ohara-Solo was born in May of 2013. Her and Kelley decided to start a family right after the 2012 Olympics, giving them plenty of time to train and get back on the team by the next World Cup. Charlotte, or rather “Charlie,” turned out to be a miniature version of Kelley. As she continued to grow, more freckles appeared on her face and her hazel green eyes only shined brighter. Just like her mama, she was also very energetic and quirky. Her bubbly, and sometimes feisty, personality helped her bond best with Kelley. She loved Hope too, but there was no question that she was Kelley’s kid. 

Hope asked, “Charlie, do you want some cheerios as well?”

“Yea!” 

Hope reached for the cereal box and poured some into a little bowl. She placed it on the table, “One second, sweetie, let me get you some milk.”

However, before she could walk back into the kitchen, crying could be heard through the baby monitor in the living room. Charlie’s eyes widened as she looked up at Kelley, “Baby crying!”

“Oh you’re right!” Kelley looked at Hope, “I’ll go save our tiniest human.” 

Hope nodded, “I’ll start heating up a bottle.” 

As she did so, out of the corner of her eye she saw Charlie grab her sippy cup and dump it over her cereal. “Charlie! What are you doing? Shoot, I forgot to get the milk.” She walked back over, but the toddler quickly shook her head. 

“No! No milk!”

“That’s water, sweetie. It doesn’t go on cereal.” 

Charlie continued to refuse the milk, “No! Like Mama!” 

Hope looked at her in confusion and then finally realized what she was trying to do. Kelley preferred water on her cereal and it seemed like Charlie was trying to copy her. “You want to eat your cereal like Mama, huh?”

Charlie giggled and repeated, “Like Mama!” 

Hope laughed and shook her head in disbelief- just another similarity between Kelley and their daughter. Kelley had finally returned with their youngest daughter in her arms, “Look who’s awake!” 

Hope smiled and waved, “Good morning, baby!” She took their second little girl into her arms, and mentioned, “Kell, go take a look at what Charlie is eating. You’ll get a kick out of it.” 

Kelley tilted her head in confusion, but soon realized what Hope meant. “That’s my girl! So awesome.” She quickly high fived Charlie before going outside to get the car ready. They were supposed to meet up with Alex, Tobin, Ashlyn, and Ali at the beach for the day. 

Hope stayed inside to get the kids ready. As she fed their littlest girl a bottle, she lightly kissed her on the forehead. Harper Jo Ohara-Solo was so darling and Hope loved cuddling her. Kelley immediately decided to retire after their big World Cup win, wanting to focus on their family. It took a little convincing on Hope’s part to do the same, but she soon followed, and it wasn’t long before Kelley was pregnant again. Harper also exhibited many of Kelley’s physical features, but they were not as dominating a Charlie’s- and neither was her personality. She had recently turned one years old and it appeared that Harper’s personality emphasized Kelley’s softer traits. She was quieter than her older sister, but still a very happy kid and everyone adored her. Hope knew that the reason why she found Harper the easiest to love was because she was so endearing like Kelley, who had also made her fall so deeply in love many years ago. 

An hour later, they arrived at the beach. Charlie ran up to her two of her favorite aunts, Alex and Tobin, who greeted her with open arms. 

Tobin smiled, “What’s up, friends? Long time no see!” 

Hope hugged her, “Well, maybe because you and Alex are too busy traveling around the world. How’s the team?” 

Alex gave her previous keeper a hug as well, “They’re great. Everyone says hi and they miss you. We’re glad to be home though.” 

Kelley agreed, “That’s something I definitely don’t miss about being on the team. I love traveling, but getting to stay at home is great too.”  
Tobin looks around, “Where’s Harris and Krieger? And their little squad?” 

Hope comments, “They’ll probably be late. I’m sure it takes awhile to get everyone out the door.”

Sure enough, Ashlyn and Ali showed up half an hour later. Ashlyn was holding two beach chairs and three beach bags while shouting at their adopted 6 year old twin boys to stop chasing each other. On the other hand, Ali was holding the leash to their golden retriever while holding their crying 3 year old daughter. They eventually made it to where the rest of their friends were sitting. 

Kelley greeted Ali, “You look exhausted.” 

Ali sighed, “Well hello to you too…little Emerson here didn’t get much sleep last might so she’s a bit cranky.” 

Ashlyn called out to their boys, “Logan! Stop chasing Noah! Come here and say hi to everyone.” 

After hugging them all, Tobin laughed at them, “You guys are a hot mess.” 

Ashlyn rolled her eyes, “Shut it, Heath. You try having three crazy kids and a dog.” 

Alex looked at Tobin, who quickly stood by her side. “Uhm, actually, we have an announcement…I’m pregnant.”

Kelley jumped up and hugged her two best friends, “Finally! Ahhh! I’m so happy for you guys!”

Hope smiled, “Welcome to the club, you two.” 

Meanwhile, Ashlyn and Ali were dead silent. Tobin shrugged, “Shocking, right?”

Ali stuttered, “Uh…uh…yeah. Well we weren’t going to say anything just yet, but this seems like a good time. We…well, we…we’re pregnant too.” 

Kelley put her hand up to her mouth in shock, “No way!” 

“Seriously?! Another one?” Tobin’s jaw dropped.

Alex asked, “When are you due, Ali?”

“Sometime in the fall.”

“Me too!” Alex exclaimed. 

Ashlyn groaned jokingly, “Great- two pregnant at the same time. This should be loads of fun.” She turned to her other friends, “Solo, you better not be knocked up too. I don’t think I can handle you pregnant as well.” 

Hope chuckled, “Don’t worry, Ash- I can assure you I’m not pregnant.” She looked at Kelley who forced a smile. Hope knew having another baby was a sensitive subject to Kelley. Both Charlie and Harper’s pregnancies were pretty much smooth sailing, but the second birth put a lot of strain on her body and the doctors deemed her uterus to be “hostile.” In other words, it would be dangerous for Kelley to have another kid. 

Kelley, Tobin, and Ashlyn went out swimming with the older kids, leaving Hope, Alex, and Ali with the youngest ones. 

Ali wondered, “Hope, how do you get Harper to fall asleep like that? It’s amazing.”

Hope looked down at her youngest daughter sleeping soundly in her arms. “I don’t know. She’s just easy...doesn’t need as much attention as Charlie did. Kelley and I are really grateful that she’s a good baby.”

Alex asks, “So are you guys planning to stop at two?”

Hope sighed, “Kelley has always wanted three…and of course with the result of the last pregnancy, it’ll be difficult to…you know.”

“You don’t want to carry?” Ali asked. 

Hope shrugged, “Well, I mean I could…Kelley has been pressuring me lately, but I honestly think two is plenty.” 

Before anyone could respond, Kelley showed up with Charlie, who exclaimed, “Mommy!” 

Hope held a finger to her mouth and said quietly, “Hi, sweetie, shhh…baby’s sleeping.” 

Charlie lowered her voice, but excitedly asked, “Mommy, I want to go surfing with Mama.” 

“Yeah, what do you think, Mommy?” Kelley also couldn’t control herself. 

Hope responded seriously, “Kell…I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” 

“Mommy, please!” 

“We won’t go out far…plus I’m just going to let her stand on the board.” 

“Please!!!” Charlie begged. 

Hope gave in, “Okay, okay. Be careful, Kelley. Make sure her life jacket is on tight.” 

Kelley kissed Hope on the cheek and quickly ran off with their daughter. Hope nervously watched them, jumping up every time they got tossed by a wave. 

Tobin noticed Hope’s anxiety and said, “Solo, chill out. Look, they’re laughing. They’re just having fun.” 

Hope sighed, “I know, I know…they’re just both so carefree. We all know Kelley is a child at heart…how could I not be nervous?” 

Ali smiled, “They’re like two peas in a pod. They’ll take care of each other.” 

“They are so alike, it’s incredible. Those two could stay out on the water all day long. Oh, did I mention what Charlie did this morning? She poured water over her cereal.” 

Alex laughed, “Wow. Like mother, like daughter.”  
Soon after, Kelley and Tobin decided to go out surfing on their own, which didn’t sit too well with Charlie. 

“But Mama, I want to go with you!”

Kelley sighed, “I know, little squirrel, but it’s too dangerous farther out. The big waves could really hurt you.” 

“Mama...but I want to go!” 

As soon as Charlie realized Kelley was leaving without her, she started to cry. Hope picked her up, “I’m sorry, Charlie…Mama will be back soon.” 

Charlie wrapped her arms around Hope’s neck and soon cried herself to sleep. The group of friends enjoyed catching up with each other and stayed at the beach until it got dark. Kelley and Hope tucked in Charlie and Harper, who fell asleep on the way home. Then, they both climbed into bed. 

Hope sighed in exhaustion and hugged Kelley close, “Today was a good day.” 

Kelley nodded. “It was nice being with everyone…I can’t believe both Alex and Ali are pregnant.” 

“Mhm…” Hope was slowly dozing off.

After a moment of silence, Kelley broke free of Hope’s grasp and sat up. “Hope…I was thinking…”

Hope sat up too, “What’s wrong, Kell?”

“I don’t know…I just thought…what do you think about having another baby?”

In the back of her mind, Hope knew this was coming. She sighed, “Kell…you know how I feel.” 

“Well…your feelings could have changed.” 

“I just…don’t you think two is enough? Harper just turned one and Charlie is already a handful. I don’t know if I can handle more goofiness in this household.” Hope laughed to lighten the mood. 

“Are you scared?”

“To carry? No.”

“Then why…”

“Kell, please. I’ve already told you how I felt about this.”

Kelley retorted, “That wasn’t really a reason, Hope.”

“Can we think about this for a little while longer? It’s late and we’re both tired.” Hope tried to change the subject. “Plus, Kell…let’s enjoy Charlie and Harper first. We’re doing really well as it is. We’re happy, right?”

Kelley laid back down in bed with her back turned to Hope. She mumbled, “Sure…I guess so.” 

Hope was slightly concerned by Kelley’s doubtful response, but didn’t let it bother her as she, too, fell asleep.


	2. The Elephant in the Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support everyone! I'm happy to continue this story :)

Throughout the year, the six friends ran the “She Believes” Soccer Camp for young girls- something they had all come up with after the 2015 World Cup win. Hope and Ashlyn were in charge of goal keeping exercises, Ali and Kelley ran defense, and Tobin and Alex managed midfielding/striking. The camp allowed them to keep doing what they all loved the most as well as support young female athletes. They were all very passionate about it and just recently started their summer session. 

From across the field, Kelley watched Hope interact with a group of young girls. She appeared to be teaching them a diving technique. She looked on as Hope gently positioned each of the girls in the goal and demonstrated the dive, making them all laugh in the process. Kelley never understood why people judged Hope to be a scary and mean goalkeeper. She was serious about the sport and very focused, but deep down she had the spirit of a kid. She just had to warm up to you. Of course, Kelley couldn’t say much though since she was one of the few people Hope would let down her guard for. 

“Coach Kelley!” A young girl interrupted the defender’s thoughts. 

“Uhhh…yeah? What’s up?” 

“Am I sliding for the ball correctly?” The young girl slid towards her partner in attempts of freeing the ball. 

“That’s not bad. When you’re in a game though, you have to make sure the timing and angle is perfect. Anything can happen and you must be prepared to adjust your slide from time to time. Just remember that.” Kelley advised. 

The young athlete returned to working on her technique and Kelley returned to watching Hope. She was now lifting the youngest girl in her group onto her shoulders so she could help defend balls. Hope looked up and smiled at the little girl who was beaming. Kelley sighed and shook her head in disbelief. Lately, things had been quiet between them. They weren’t exactly fighting, but they weren’t at their best either. The whole expanding their family situation was up in the air and neither of them wanted to bring it up, and Kelley simply could not understand where Hope was coming from. 

“Kell?...Kelley!” 

Kelley blinked a few times as if coming back to reality. Her thoughts were interrupted again, but this time by Alex. 

“Yeah, Al?”

Alex had noticed Kelley was withdrawn the entire practice. Every chance she got, she was staring at Hope- and definitely not in a loving way. Alex hoped Kelley would open up to her, so she invited her over, “I’m going baby shopping for the nursery after practice. Tobin is busy doing a promotional shoot, so do you want to join?” 

Kelley’s mood lightened as she couldn’t help but feel happy for her friend, “Of course. Let me tell Hope to pick up the kids from daycare and then I’ll meet you in the locker room.” 

Alex nodded and eavesdropped on their conversation, which only further confirmed her suspicion of something going on between the couple. 

“Hope, I’m going to run some baby errands with Alex.” Kelley explained.

“Oh…you don’t want to help pick up the kids and come home first?” Hope questioned. 

“Uh, I was hoping you could just do that.”

Hope fidgeted, “You can’t go with Alex some other time?”

Kelley was slowly getting irritated, “Why can’t you pick up the kids and take them home yourself? It’s not hard.” 

“You know how difficult it is putting Charlie to bed without you.” 

“You’ll be fine. You’ll figure something out.” 

Hope gave up, “Alright…alright. I’ll see you later tonight.” She walked away sulking. 

Kelley didn’t feel great about their conversation. It wasn’t like Hope to make such a big deal out of something like this. They had always approached parenting as a team, but today it didn’t feel like it. It was almost like Kelley just told Hope that she had to take care of the kids by herself for the next month. 

After meeting Alex in the locker room, they drove to the store to pick out some décor for the nursery. They got home, had dinner, and then sat on the floor of the nursery assembling picture frames and a rocking chair. 

“So how have the kids been lately?” Alex started up a conversation.

“They’re doing well. Ever since we gave Charlie her own miniature sized surfboard for her birthday, she’s been obsessed with the beach, the ocean, and basically anything surfing related.” Kelley smiled thinking about it. 

Alex chuckled, “She takes after you.”

“Yeah, she does…” 

“And Harper?”

“She’s getting busier. Her steps are getting stronger each day…we better start baby proofing the house again.” 

“Good luck” Alex chuckled and then continued, “How are you and Hope?” 

“We’re fine.”

Kelley didn’t say much more after that, so Alex knew something was bugging her. It wasn’t like Kelley to respond with two worded answers when it came to Hope. After a moment of silence, Alex pried, “Hey, what’s going?”

Kelley looked up from the frame she was assembling, “What do you mean?”

“I know something is bothering you. Today at camp, you seemed distant and distracted. All you did was stare at Hope- and not in the way you usually do. It’s like you were trying to get answers out of her and having a hard time reading her. And I know you…you always know what’s going on in Hope’s head. Is everything okay with her?” Alex explained her suspicions. 

Kelley sighed and finally opened up, “I’m just so sick of the elephant in the room.” 

“Come again?” Alex asked in confusion. 

“The god damn elephant follows us everywhere.”

“Kell, I’m not sure if I’m following you…”

“I don’t see what’s so bad about growing our family! I loved growing up with two siblings. Three is a great number! Hell if we can do it with two, we can definitely do it with three.” Kelley went further into detail. 

Alex finally realized where this was heading. “Have you two talked about this?” 

“Well, yeah…no…like not extensively! And neither of us want to bring it up either- hence, the freaking elephant in the room wherever we go. We haven’t had a normal or not awkward conversation in the last few months simply because there’s this issue waiting to be resolved.” 

“You know you’re going to have to talk about this in depth, and sooner rather than later.” 

Kelley was exasperated, “I don’t see why we even need the conversation in the first place! I just don’t get it. I’ve been trying to come up with reasons as to why Hope is so reluctant in having one more baby. I even tried convincing myself that she isn’t comfortable around kids and that might be why she’s refusing this. But oh no, believe it or not, Hope Solo is amazing with children. That’s why I was watching her today.” 

“Well maybe she’s happy with just Charlie and Harper.” Alex offered another reason. 

“That’s been her reasoning before…but I still don’t get it! How could she not want more after spending time with them?” 

Alex knew Kelley was blindsided by her strong feelings, “Kell, you can’t expect people to see things the way you do. Everyone is different.”

“I know…I know.” Kelley looked defeated. 

“Give her some time and she’ll probably come around. This is Hope Solo we’re talking about here. She’s known to be stubborn and when she wants things one way, it’s hard convincing her otherwise. Same with you.” Alex added. 

Kelley felt tears forming in her eyes, “It’s just been hard not being able to talk this out with her. I want more than anything for Hope to understand and agree with me. I miss being on the same page with her and saying more than a couple sentences to her at dinner.” 

Alex rubbed her friends back, “As much as you don’t want to, you need to talk to Hope. The problem won’t solve itself.” 

Kelley stuttered, “Is…is it so selfish of me to expect Hope to carry our third child? I obviously can’t do it, but it’s something I want so, so bad.” 

“In the end, both of you need to make this decision together. Kell, I’m praying Hope will come around and I think she will, but at the same time…” Alex’s voice trailed off. 

“What?”

“You’re not going to like what I have to say.” Alex warned her friend.

“Spit it out, Alex.”

“Well let’s try looking at this from her perspective. I can see Hope thinking two ways. First, she might be- for lack of a better word- jealous…?” Alex knew that sounded wrong as soon as it left her mouth. 

“Jealous?!” Kelley exclaimed. 

“Okay, wrong word choice. What I’m trying to say is that the kids, mostly Charlie, gravitate toward you simply because you’re their maternal mother. I don’t know if you’ve realized it, but you’re naturally a lot closer to the kids…and having another child could only add to Hope’s insecurities, if she has any, about this. What if your next kid also gravitates towards you? How do you think Hope would feel?” 

Kelley shrugged, “Well that won’t happen…the next child would be maternally hers, so by your argument, wouldn’t she naturally be closer to the baby?”

“Well, that brings me to my second point. What if Hope isn’t meant to have her own kid maternally? You know her more than I do, but Hope has never been good with letting people in. From first glance, she seems unapproachable and not willing to open up.” 

“That’s not the real Hope.” 

“Of course I know that…but it still is a part of her. Sure, she’s let down her guard for us, but it doesn’t mean her defense can’t rise back up. That’s just who she is. She might not be ready for the responsibility of being personally connected to a child, if you know what I mean.” 

“I’m not sure if I agree with everything you’re saying, Al.” Kelley knew Hope and she wanted to believe that she was just as passionate about their family as she was. 

“I told you that you weren’t going to like it…but just something to consider, okay? Be careful in pressuring her too much. Like I said before, give her time and she might just open up for you.” 

Kelley sighed and hugged her friend, “Well, thanks anyways for talking this out with me.”

“Anytime…I’m always here if you want to talk.” Alex smiled. 

Kelley headed home later that night, and quietly entered the house knowing the kids should be asleep. She tiptoed into her bedroom, surprised to find Hope sleeping soundly in bed with Charlie sprawled out next to her and Harper sleeping on her chest. Charlie had no pants, which meant Hope probably had a difficult time giving her a bath before bed. But she did it anyways. Kelley couldn’t help but smile as she placed a blanket over her little family. It was moments like this that proved Alex’s theory wrong. There was no way Hope could not bond with their children. She was a great mother and would do anything for those kids. However, Kelley was still reluctant to talk to her significant other out of fear of what the conversation could result in. She was afraid that Alex could be right- that Hope was scared of not being able to get close to their next child. Little did she know that avoiding the big elephant in the room would only make matters worse in the upcoming months.


	3. Pressure

Hope and Kelley had managed to avoid talking about the whole family situation for the next couple of months. Lately, they were distracted with Charlie’s first day of pre-school. She was putting up quite the fight early in the morning. 

“I don’t wanna wear that dress, Mama!” Charlie took a step back. 

Kelley picked out another dress, “How about this one? You love this dress!” 

“But I wanna wear this!” Charlie pointed to herself. 

“I know you love your rash guard, little squirrel, but that’s only for swimming or surfing.” Kelley reasoned. 

“Well then I don’t wanna go to school! I go surfing!” 

“Not today. Come on, let’s put on this dress.” 

“No!” Charlie yelled and crossed her arms. 

Kelley knelt down and said in a serious tone, “Hey, Charlie, there’s no need for shouting.”

The little girl looked down and started to cry. It wasn’t often Kelley scolded her. 

Kelley continued to reprimand her, “There’s no need for crying either. You can’t cry every time you don’t get your way. Let’s put on the dress.” 

As Kelley struggled to put on the dress, Charlie’s cries only got louder. By the time she got downstairs, she had a tear-stained face. Walking into the kitchen, Kelley gave Hope a look which instantly informed her that Charlie was being difficult.

Hope tried cheering up her daughter, “Charlie, look what I made for breakfast- pancakes!” 

“Boo-berry?” Charlie sniffled. 

“Of course.” Hope placed a plate in front of her. It seemed to help as Charlie stopped sniffling. 

“She’s quite the dramatic one, you know. I wonder where she learns that from…” Hope smirked. 

“Don’t pin that on me! You know that we’re both hard headed people.” 

“Whatever you say, KO.” 

No more than an hour later, they arrived at the pre-school. Hope held Charlie’s hand and Kelley carried Harper as they walked to the designated classroom. 

On the way, Hope noticed and whispered, “Kell, you know who is getting a little nervous here.” 

“Yea?”

“She’s death gripping my hand.” 

“Well good thing you’re goalkeeping hands can handle that.” Kelley joked. 

Hope smiled, but then said, “Do you think she’s going to be okay?”

“Oh please, don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts too!”

“I’m serious, Kelley.”

“She’ll be fine. Like you said, she’ll be pretty dramatic at first but she’ll forget about everything by the end of the day.” 

They finally arrived to Charlie’s classroom and suddenly felt many eyes stare them down. No one expected such high profile athletes to step into the room. Luckily, the teacher walked over to them and eased the awkwardness. 

“Hello there!” 

“Uh, hi. I’m Hope and this is my wife, Kelley.”

“Wow. It’s an honor to meet you both…so this must be little Charlie?” The teacher bent down to be eye level with the four year old girl who had turned away into her mother. 

“Charlie, my name is Ms. Anderson and I’m your teacher. Pre-school is going to be a lot of fun. We’re going to color, read books, play outside, and do a lot of other activities!” 

Hope nudged her daughter, “Come on, sweetie. Say hi to Ms. Anderson.” 

Charlie reluctantly put out her arm and shook her teacher’s hand. She was given a quick tour of the classroom before it was time for families to leave. Charlie ran back and clung onto Kelley’s leg. 

Kelley chuckled, “Little squirrel, we have to leave now.”

“No!” 

Hope stroked the little girl’s hair, “You’re going to have so much fun with Ms. Anderson today and you’ll make lots of friends.” 

“No! No! No!” Charlie brushed Hope off and held Kelley close, “Mama I want to stay with you.” 

Hope sighed at being pushed away and quickly took Harper from Kelley’s arms so that she could give their eldest daughter more attention. 

Kelley held Charlie’s hands, “Can you be a big girl for me today?” Charlie shrugged as a tear rolled down her face and Kelley continued, “You’re going to be just fine. I will be right back to pick you up. You can count on me.” 

Tears continued to roll down as Charlie nodded. Ms. Anderson eventually came to pull her away as everyone left. Kelley exited the classroom and turned to Hope, “Maybe she isn’t ready yet.” 

“Look who’s the one having second thoughts now!” Hope laughed but then said more seriously, “Kell, I know she’s your baby girl, but you’ve got to let her go.”

Kelley looked at her and raised an eyebrow, “Mine? She’s our little girl.” 

“Well you know what I mean…” 

That was the first time Hope had ever referred to Charlie being solely hers, and it made her very uncomfortable. Fortunately, she forgot about it by the end of the day when they picked up Charlie, who had nothing but good things to say about her first day of preschool. 

 

The fall season quickly rolled around and before they knew it, the O’Hara-Solo and Krieger-Harris families were anxiously waiting in a hospital lobby. Tobin had called them late last night notifying them that Alex had gone into labor. It had been ten hours and there was still no word from their two friends. 

“This is getting to be a long labor.” Ashlyn looked at her watch and then at the sleeping children in the seats next to her, “It won’t be long before these little monsters start waking up.” 

Ali reasoned, “Well, it makes sense. It’s Alex’s first baby- the first one always takes the longest.” 

“I don’t think I can wait any longer. I’m so excited.” Kelley was on the edge of her seat. “I hope everything is going smoothly.” 

It wasn’t until two hours later that Tobin finally appeared in the waiting room. She had the biggest grin on her face, “It’s a girl!” 

Kelley ran up and hugged her best friend before everyone else congratulated her. They all followed Tobin into the hospital room where an exhausted Alex laid. 

“What’s her name?” Kelley eagerly asked. 

“Adelyn Elizabeth Morgan-Heath.” Alex proudly introduced her daughter. 

“Oh you guys, she’s gorgeous.” Ali gushed. 

“Beautiful name, too.” Hope added, “Addy for short, I’m assuming?”

“Most likely.” Alex nodded. 

They all took turns carrying the newborn with Ashlyn going first. The twin boys were quick to rush to her side. 

Noah commented, “She’s so tiny, Mommy.” 

Logan pointed to Ali’s pregnant belly, “Is this what baby sister looks like too?” 

Ashlyn smiled, “She’ll look a little different, but probably around the same size.” 

Both Noah and Logan exclaimed “Wow!” 

Charlie tugged on Kelley and begged, “Me see! I wanna see baby!” 

Kelley lifted her up so she could get a closer look. “Be gentle, little squirrel.” 

Charlie touched Adelyn’s nose and giggled, “Baby!!!” 

“That’s right. Soon you’ll get to play with her!” Kelley told her daughter. 

After spending the remainder of the morning with the new parents and baby, everyone left. For the entire ride home, Kelley could not stop talking about all the experiences Tobin and Alex would have as new parents. Hope had a feeling the conversation was going to turn into something she didn’t like, and boy was she right. 

As soon as they laid down their kids for naps, Kelley approached her, “Little Addy is pretty cute, isn’t she?”

“Mhm…very.” Hope responded. 

“Makes you want one, huh?” 

Hope sighed, “I was afraid you were going to bring this up.”

“Oh come on, Hope! We have to talk about this.” 

“Stop pressuring me!” 

“I haven’t mentioned one word about this for months now! That’s not pressuring.” Kelley pointed out. 

“Fine! Let’s settle this once and for all. You know how I feel and I haven’t changed my mind!” Hope exclaimed. 

Kelley argued, “I only know that you don’t want another kid, but I have no idea why! How can you not want a little Adelyn?!” 

Hope shook her head, “You just want another because of all this newborn excitement.” 

“No I don’t! I’ve been passionate about this for quite some time now.”

“We have two already!” 

“We can manage with three!” 

“I’m not talking about whether or not we can manage…I’m sure we could, but I don’t want to!” Hope stood her ground. 

“You know I’ve always wanted three!” 

“Well it’s not always about what you want, Kelley.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“You’re just upset because you’re not getting what you want.” Hope refused to let her guard down. No way was she letting Kelley find out how insecure she was about having her own child. 

Kelley looked deeply offended, “I can’t believe you just pinned that on me. I’m not upset because I’m not getting my way, I’m fighting you because I believe another child would be great for our family. What did you think I was doing? Did you think I was fighting you out of spite? I would never do that!” 

“I never said that.”

“Well you sure implied it! Hope, just tell me why you don’t want another child!” 

“We’re going around in circles, Kelley.” 

“We can tell each other everything! Why is this so different?” Kelley pressured her wife. 

Hope raised her voice, “Will you just cut it out?! Just accept the fact that I don’t want this for our family!” 

Kelley suddenly became very emotional, “I hate fighting you, you know. I hate that this is such a problem for us and I can’t even figure out why.” Her eyes teared up. 

“Get over it, Kell.” Hope said harshly. 

“You know what? Obviously neither of us want to concede and I’m sick of waiting around. This whole baby thing takes two and clearly you’re not willing to meet me halfway.”

“What the hell is halfway? There’s no such thing when it comes to things like this!” Hope scowled. 

“Stop looking at me like that! Like I’ve done something terrible! I just want to figure this out…” Kelley sighed and then finally gave up, “I…I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want this.” She began to cry. 

Hope noticed she had hurt Kelley by refusing to open up. She softly replied, “Kelley…I’m sorry…”

“Drop it. I’ve made the decision. You win.”

“I didn’t want it to end like this.”

“How did you think this was going to end? Never mind. I can’t do this right now.”

“Kelley…” Hope called out her name. 

“No, Hope, just leave me alone. I’m going to go for a run.” Kelley wiped tears off her face and jetted out of the room. 

Hope took a step after her, but stopped herself, knowing it wouldn’t do either of them any good if she chased after her. She sighed and mentally kicked herself for being so close minded.


	4. Merry Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe all the support I'm receiving for this story. Thanks again, and I hope you continue to enjoy it :) Here's to the next chapter!

Understandably, Kelley had a rough few days after their fight. She was heartbroken that Hope wouldn’t change her mind, but at the same time, she felt a sense of relief now that she had come to a final decision. Of course what she wanted would always be at the back of her mind, but it most definitely wasn’t first and that’s what mattered. She could now focus better on Charlie and Harper, and she didn’t have to feel like she was walking on eggshells around Hope. By the time the following week started, Kelley was returning to her normal self. She acted like their fight never really happened. Hope noticed and was glad she wasn’t being pressured anymore, but she did feel guilty. She thought that if Kelley gave up, everything would be as peachy as it had been the last couple of years. But this wasn’t the case. She began to have this disconcerting feeling inside of her, and she knew that sticking to her opinion was not what marriage was all about. They were supposed to meet each other halfway, even in the toughest situations. They just had to make it work and she felt like she let Kelley down by leaving her hanging. 

The month of November had just begun when Hope and Kelley received another call from their friends. It was Ashlyn and Ali’s turn to have a baby. When they were notified, Hope quickly hung up the phone and took a big gulp. She glanced at Kelley who just looked away and prepared to visit her friends. By the time they arrived at the hospital, however, Ali had already given birth. The O’Hara-Solo clan entered the room at the same time as Tobin and Alex.

Ali greeted them, “Everyone, meet Elliot Asher Krieger-Harris.” 

Alex raised an eyebrow, “Come again? Did you just say…”

Ali interrupted her, “Yes, I said Elliot…we had a baby boy.” 

“Oh my god. Another boy?!” Tobin’s jaw dropped. 

Ashlyn walked in with the twin boys and Emerson in tow. She was quick to join the conversation, “Yes, we know, we know. Three boys and a girl. We have our hands full!” 

“Congrats.” Kelley smiled weakly.   
“He looks like a real sweetheart though.” Hope noticed. 

“Well let’s hope he doesn’t learn a thing or two from these troublemakers.” Ashlyn ruffled the twins’ hair.

Noah and Logan jumped on the bed beside Ali, “Mama, is this baby sister?”

Ali smiled, “Actually, boys, this is your baby brother…” 

“Another boy?!” The twins made the same exclamation as Tobin. 

“Yes, another boy.” Ashlyn rolled her eyes. 

Noah looked up and Ali and hugged her, “I love him already, Mama.” His simple statement gained many “Awws” from around the room. 

Not wanting to miss out on the fun, Emerson climbed up onto the bed. Her smile mirrored Ali’s. Without saying a word, she gently kissed her new sibling’s forehead. 

Ali’s breath was taken away, “Aw, you’re so sweet, Emmy…such a good big sister!” 

As the family bonded in front of them, Hope discretely looked over at Kelley. She knew this had to be killing her on the inside. She could just see it. The spark in her eyes had faded and she looked wounded. No more cheeky squirrel-like expressions- just a cold and stoic face. The car ride home was completely silent with Kelley leaving for a run as soon as they reached home. 

Hope knew Kelley was definitely hurting- and it was all because of her. She thought long and hard. Maybe she was being an immature coward throughout this whole situation. She was letting her insecurities prevent her from making decisions with a clear mind. Hope was scared that if she had a child, he/she wouldn’t love her the way Charlie or Harper naturally loved Kelley. When she was younger, she never foresaw herself as a loving and nurturing mother- she was always known as the tomboyish, unapproachable, and cold athlete who only cared about being fierce. That’s what made her a master on the field, but definitely not one in the family and relationship aspect. Kelley was one of the few people who made her feel like she was wanted and loved, and even then, their relationship had its ups and downs at first. She had a very unsettling feeling about having another baby, but seeing Kelley heartbroken cast an amount of guilt over her that she found truly devastating. Would it be all that bad if there was an addition to the family? It would make Kelley incredibly happy, and who knows, she could learn to love a tiny human of her own and that might be really good for her. She could finally experience what Kelley had these past four years. But what if it wasn’t in her genetic makeup to do so? Hope Solo was torn for the first time in so long. Her instincts told her to trust her initial decision, but her heart jumped for Kelley. She hated how the younger woman could make her feel that way. It was both a blessing and a curse. Hope knew it would take some convincing on her part to change her mind, buy maybe it was possible. Just maybe. 

Thanksgiving came and went, and before everyone knew it, Christmas Eve had arrived. The three families ate dinner and spent quality time together, despite the natural chaos of Ashlyn and Ali’s household. The adults were in the living room laughing over the matching onesies Tobin had bought for her, Alex, and baby Adelyn. With red, white, and green stripes and little elves all over them, the onesies were tackiest things everyone had ever seen. Alex refused to put hers on and gave up fighting Tobin as she changed their little girl into it. 

Tobin whined, “Alex! I want to make sure they fit for the family picture tomorrow!” 

“The what?”

“I hired a photographer to shoot some sick photos of us!” Tobin said excitedly. 

“Why would you do that???” Alex questioned. 

“Well we have to document this for Addy…you know, baby’s first Christmas and all.” 

“Tobin, I love you. I really do, and your thought behind this all is really sweet but for the hundredth time, I am not wearing that onesie!” Alex crossed her arms. 

“You’re just jealous that it looks so good on me and Addy.” Tobin teased. 

“No I’m not! They’re hideous!” 

Ashlyn shook her head, “You two are the epitome of an old couple.” 

Tobin stood her ground, “Just you wait until tomorrow morning, Alex Morgan. The spirit of Christmas is going to hit you like a ton of bricks and you’re not going to want to take this beautiful piece of clothing off.” 

“In your dreams.” Alex scoffed. 

Kelley chimed in, “So Tobes, when Alex finally succumbs into the awesomeness of that onesie, you’ll send me a copy of all the pics, right? I need them for our blackmail archives.” 

“Of course, KO. Everyone will receive a copy.” 

“Also, when Alex is done with hers, do you think I could have it?” Kelley asked in a dead serious tone. 

Hope turned to her wife beside her on the couch, “Kell, only you would think of wearing that onesie.” 

“Solo, you better just thank your lucky stars that the matching family elf costumes order that I placed was cancelled.” 

“The what order?” Hope looked worried. 

“Elf costumes.” Kelley shrugged. 

“You didn’t!” 

“Oh yes, I did! But they were out of stock or something and it wouldn’t have arrived by Christmas, so what would’ve been the point?” Kelley said honestly. 

Ashlyn scoffed, “Okay, I know getting a copy of Alex in Tobin’s hideous onesie is already the highlight of Christmas this year, but I would have killed to see Kelley trying to get Hope into an elf costume.”

“Are you doubting my abilities, Ash?!” Kelley looked offended. 

“Don’t get a big head, KO.” Hope jokingly shoved her wife. 

“Look who’s talking!” Kelley shoved back. 

Kelley’s grin only got bigger that night, and she couldn’t keep her eyes off of Hope. Something was different about her…the issues they had over the past year seemed to have resolved and everything was returning to normal. Hope was happy, and so was she. 

The evening came to an end when everyone realized it was time for the kids to sleep or else Christmas morning would turn into afternoon. They all said their goodbyes, promising to meet up for the New Year. The kids were half-asleep by the time they reached home, so Kelley quickly tucked them in. 

After doing so, Kelley snuck into the kitchen and snatched a cookie off of the plate Hope was preparing for “Santa.” If she didn’t do it, Charlie would be pretty upset. 

“KO!” 

Kelley grinned with her mouth full, “What?” 

“You goof. Those are for Santa!” Hope grinned back. 

“He won’t mind if I have one…or two.” Kelley snatched another. 

“Isn’t it bad luck if you eat Santa’s cookies? Doesn’t he like chase you tonight?” 

Kelley looked horrified, “Jesus, Solo, what kind of household did you grow up in?!” 

“Okay, maybe that’s a different story.”

“I swear to God, if you make our kids believe that Santa will harm them for eating his cookies…”

“Oh shut it, KO.” Hope laughed.

Hope hadn’t felt this good in a long time, and as soon as her eyes laid on Kelley’s goofy expression, she felt her lips crashing down upon hers. Their bodies gravitated together and their kisses increased with passion. They hadn’t had a moment like this in so long, and neither one of them was going to let it go to waste. The way they were holding each other would have never seemed like they had been at each other’s throats for the majority of the year. Hope deepened the kiss by the time they had reached their bedroom. She fumbled for the doorknob, tripping both of them and falling onto their bed out of haste. Hope felt Kelley snicker and smile as they kissed, and she immediately knew where the night was going. 

The couple woke up comfortably in each other’s arms the next morning. Hope breathed in Kelley’s scent and hugged her closer. It always amazed Hope how she would have her arms wrapped around the smaller woman, and yet she felt like Kelley was her security blanket. Kelley’s eyes fluttered open as she basked in Hope’s embrace and felt Hope gently kiss her on the head. 

“What’s gotten into you, Hope?” Kelley wanted to know. 

“What are you talking about? I can’t love you like I usually do?”

“Well…we haven’t had a night like last in so long. You know, with everything we’ve been through this past year.”

“The past is the past. We’re moving forward.”

“It’s not like you to change that quickly…something about you is different.” Kelley observed. 

“Don’t think too hard, KO.” Hope laughed. 

“See?! You don’t just laugh like that.” Kelley pointed out. “Like you do, but you don’t, you know?”

“I actually don’t know what you just said.” 

But before Kelley could further prove her point, a pair of little feet could be heard running down the hallway. They were soon greeted by Charlie who found it fitting to jump on their bed, continuously. 

“It’s Christmas, Mama! It’s Christmas! Wake up! Wake up! Mommy, It’s Christmas!” Charlie bounced up and down. 

“My God, were you like this when you were little, Kell?” Hope’s eyes followed her daughter, up and down.

Kelley smirked, “Uhm, duh. It’s Christmas!” 

“Yay! It’s Christmas! Christmas! Christmas! Christmas!”

“She’s going to wake up Harper…3…2…” Hope didn’t even have to finish counting when they crying down the hall. “Yup, there it is.”

Kelley spoke at Charlie, “Yo, little squirrel, keep it trill. Control yourself, dude.” 

“Alright, gangster Mama. You’re so weird, you know that?” Hope teased. 

Charlie repeated Kelley, “Yeah, Mommy, keep it trillll!” 

Hope’s eyes widened, “Look what you did, KO!” 

“Sorry not sorry.” Kelley flashed a grin. 

Hope rolled her eyes, “Alright, I’m going to be the responsible parent here and attend to our other tiny human. I’ll see you downstairs in a few.” 

Charlie was quick to open presents, mostly excited about her new rash guards and the surfing lessons her parents signed her up for. Harper, on the other hand, was keener about the wrapping paper and bows than anything else. Hope and Kelley exchanged gifts as well, mostly plane tickets for getaway weekends or gift cards for dinner date nights. There wasn’t much that they wanted given they had bene pretty blessed their entire lives and had more than enough. 

As the kids played with their new toys, Hope pulled Kelley aside. A box in her hand, she softly offered it, “Hey, last gift.” 

Kelley shook her head, “Hope, you already gave me enough.”

“Well here’s another.”

“There’s nothing else I could possibly want.”

Hope raised her eyebrow, “I would beg to differ. Why don’t you just open it?”

“Okay, okay.” Kelley gave in and began unwrapping the box for it to reveal a brand new soccer ball. 

“Haha. Thanks? We have plenty of these lying around but I guess one more wouldn’t hurt.” Kelley smiled, thinking how odd Hope’s gift was. 

“Kell, it’s not just any soccer ball.” 

Kelley twirled it in her hands, “Uh…was this from the World Cup? Help me out here, Hope. My mind is drawing a blank.”

Hope slowly started to glow, “Well, you know how we put a ball in each of the girl’s room? Sort of like a keepsake for when they’re born?”

“Yea…we wrote the date of their births on each…why do we need a third one though?”

Hope just smiled at her, knowing she would soon realize what the gift meant. Kelley gave the ball a few more twirls before dropping it and bringing her hand to her mouth. 

Her eyes widened, “Oh my god.” Kelley felt a rush of emotions dawn over her and couldn’t help but let a few tears fall. “I thought…are you serious? You’re not pulling a fast one on me, right?”

Hope hugged Kelley close, “This isn’t a joke, Kell. I’m dead serious…I just made 4 weeks.” 

Kelley broke the embrace, “Wait, what? You’re already…” 

“Yup.”

“But you said…” 

“Forget what I said…I did a lot of thinking, and I couldn’t watch you anymore after Ali had baby Elliot. I ended up going to the clinic, and you know…well, I mean, it happened so fast and I guess I’m just lucky I was able to give this to you as a present.” Hope explained.

“Hope…” Kelley uttered her name in disbelief. “Are you sure? Do you want this?”

Hope stuttered, but gained more confidence, “Uh…well…yeah, of course. I wouldn’t have done this on my own otherwise.”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe this.” Kelley’s excitement increased and buried herself in the keeper’s chest. 

Hope laughed and held her tight, kissing her head and whispering, “Merry Christmas, KO.”


	5. The Baby Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recently I just found out that the USWNT victory tour is passing through Seattle, and I might be able to go! Super exciting, and just wanted to share that haha. Anyways, here's the next chapter :)

Hope slowly sat up and banged her head against the bathroom wall in frustration, cursing, “Shit.” 

It was 6 am and she had been up for the past hour with morning sickness. Kelley opened the door and peeked through, wincing at the bright light of the bathroom, “Hey…are you alright?” She proceeded to sit next to Hope. 

“What in god’s name of a question is that? Look at me.” Hope scowled at Kelley’s ignorance and stared her down with her famous resting bitch face. 

Kelley leaned back, “Whoa…no need to get sassy with me.” Even though they were married, when Hope was frustrated, she could put on a pretty mean face. 

Realizing it was unfair to treat Kelley like that, Hope’s expression softened, “I’m sorry, Kell. I just…I don’t know how you dealt with this. I look and feel a hundred times worse than you ever did during your pregnancies.” 

Kelley held Hope’s hand and sympathized, “Morning sickness isn’t fun…no matter the degree of intensity.”

“My stomach has been churning more than it ever has on all the game days in my life.” 

“Is it worse than that one time in Portugal when Pinoe literally turned green on that fishing trip we all thought it would be fun to go on and then proceeded to throw up in your equipment bag during practice?” Kelley tried to lighten the mood.

Hope smiled, “Oh my gosh. I forgot about that! That was disgusting…I don’t understand why it had to be my bag! My gloves were completely ruined!” 

Kelley laughed, “I don’t think I’ve seen someone throw up as much as she did.” 

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Hope scrunched up her face, “This morning sick is almost tied with that, I think.”

“Wow…really?” Kelley was surprised. 

“There are no contents left in my stomach. It’s empty.”

“Hmm…why don’t you get a few more hours of sleep, and I’ll come up with some breakfast. Okay?” Kelley rubbed her wife’s back. 

“Alright…” Hope stood up and climbed back in bed. Having Kelley’s support and cheerful attitude was the only thing getting her through the bouts of morning sickness she had been experiencing over the past week. 

Hope woke up three hours later, finally feeling like she got some rest. She walked into the kitchen to see Kelley feeding both Charlie and Harper. 

“Oh you’re up! Do you feel any better?” Kelley asked, handing her a cup of coffee from their favorite café in downtown San Francisco.  
“You drove into SF this morning?” Hope asked. 

Kelley shrugged, “The kids got up right after you went to bed, so I thought I’d take them on a little outing. We had fun, right Charlie?”

Charlie beamed with joy, “We got donuts!” 

Hope smiled, “Of course you did, little squirrel. Mama knows better though…” She eyed Kelley. 

“You can’t resist freshly baked donuts at 7 am!” Kelley defended her decision. 

“Whatever you say, KO…” Hope was about to take sip of her coffee when she got a strong whiff of the odor. Smelling it made her stomach flip and she was soon off to the nearest bathroom. 

“Hope!” Kelley quickly followed her, making it just in time to hold her hair back as she emptied out her stomach contents into the toilet. 

“Jesus Christ, I thought there wasn’t anything left in me!” Hope stood up weakly and rinsed her mouth. 

Kelley felt bad, “I’m sorry, babe…I didn’t know coffee was a trigger.”

“Neither did I…this is so annoying! I’m up all night because I’m sick, thus I’m tired, and now I can’t even drink coffee. And you know how much coffee means to me!” Hope stated in exasperation. She spent the majority of her life in the Seattle area, so coffee had become a main food group to her. 

“Come on…let’s try and get some food in you.” 

Kelley and Hope stepped out of the bathroom and back into the kitchen. Hope sat down at the table and Kelley brought over a plate full of food. 

“So I know you like your breakfasts balanced and all, so I got some fresh fruit and eggs from the farmer’s market. The toast should be done in a few. Do you want anything else?”

Hope looked at her plate, and felt tears start rolling down her face, “I…I don’t want this.”

Kelley was stunned, not because Hope didn’t want the food, but because she hadn’t seen her cry in quite some time. It wasn’t often that the Hope Solo let tears flow freely. 

“Uh…Uh…okay…what do you want to…” 

Hope interrupted her with a louder sob, “I...I’m sorry, Kell…I just feel bad. You go through all this hard work to make me breakfast and it’s so kind of you, but I just don’t want any of it. I want…I can’t believe I’m about to say it. I…I actually hate this so much.” She cried some more. 

Still in shock, Kelley stuttered, “Wh..what would you like?”

Hope looked at the bowl of cereal in front of Kelley, “I want your breakfast.” 

“My cereal? With water?” 

“Please?”  
“Uh, yeah… of course.” Kelley pushed the bowl across the table. 

Kelley stared as Hope scarfed down the ball in less than two minutes. She couldn’t help, but start laughing. “You pregnant might be one of the most entertaining things I will ever see in my life.” 

“Oh shut up, KO.” 

“You’re amazing. I love you.” Kelley grinned. 

“Yeah, well what’s hard not to love about this.” Hope sarcastically said with a full mouth.

Kelley laughed, but looked over at Charlie, who looked disturbed. “Little squirrel, why are you so quiet?”

With a concern look on her face, Charlie looked directly at Hope, “Mommy, what’s wrong? You otay?”

“I’m okay, Charlie.” 

“But…but you crying. And in the bathroom, you…”

Hope picked up her daughter, “I’m just a little sick, that’s all…I’m sorry, sweetie, did I scare you?”

Charlie nodded and flung her arms around Hope’s neck, “I don’t like it when you’re sick.” 

“Me neither.” Hope hugged her back. 

“You get better?” 

“Uhm…yeah. I will.” Hope looked over Kelley, who thought it would be worth a shot to explain to their four year old what exactly was going on. 

Picking up Harper as well, the four of them sat down on the couch. Kelley began, “Charlie, Mommy and I have something we need to tell you.”

Hope explained, “Mommy’s been sick a lot lately because she’s going to have a baby.”

“Baby???” Charlie questioned. 

“Yes. You know what that means, right?” Hope asked. 

“Like baby Addy? And baby Elliot?” Charlie referred to their friends. 

“Exactly. We’re going to have one too.” 

“Me big sister?” Charlie’s excitement started to shine through. 

“Yeah! You’ll be a big sister again.” Kelley added. 

“Me help?”

“Oh, of course. You’re going to be our favorite big helper!” Kelley smiled. 

“Me like baby sister!”

“Well, it may not be a baby sister, but hopefully…” Hope tried to explain, but Charlie had already run off to play with her toys. 

“…and that’s the short attention span of a 4 year old.” Kelley chuckled. 

Later that week, Kelley and Hope had lunch with their friends. They couldn’t wait to share their news of having another baby. 

Ashlyn turned to Ali, “What are you getting?” 

“The fish tacos sounds good.” 

“I was looking at that too, Kriegs. I heard they’re really good here.” Tobin agreed. 

Hope suddenly blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”

Everyone looked up at their menus and stared at their friend. Kelley nudged her, “Thanks for the warning!”

Hope shrugged, “Sorry, I was nervous and I just had to get it out.”

Ashlyn raised an eyebrow, “You’re not pulling a fast one on us, right?!”

Kelley grinned, “That’s what I said!”

Hope rolled her eyes, “Why does everyone find this so hard to believe?”

Ali squealed, “Well who cares! Congratulations, you guys!!!” 

Alex eyed Kelley as if to ask her what she did to change Hope’s mind. Something didn’t set right with her- Hope wasn’t as vibrant as she had been, but that could also be the morning sickness talking. She didn’t have the heart to say anything in front of everyone, and made note of it to talk to Kelley later. She added, “This is exciting! We’re really happy for you guys.” 

Tobin joked, “I don’t know about you guys, but the kids are definitely beginning to outnumber us…” Everyone laughed. 

Ashlyn looked at Kelley, “Wow, so a pregnant Hope Solo, huh? This should be…interesting.” 

Kelley nodded, “Tell me about it. She cried the other day over breakfast! The mood swings are very real.”

“It’s true. I’m actually a monster.” Hope admitted. 

“But I love you and our mini Solo.” Kelley gushed. 

Hope and Kelley couldn’t stay at lunch so long as they had to break away for a doctor’s appointment for the baby. Waiting in the room, Kelley noticed Hope twirling her fingers. She was always known to do that before games, or whenever she was nervous. She held her hand, “It’ll be okay. Dr. Scott is amazing.”

“I know, I know. Just the usual nerves.” 

Their OBGYN came in and performed the usual check-up. “Alright, Hope, everything looks perfectly normal. I’m just going to listen for a heartbeat.” Dr. Scott informed. 

Within minutes, a faint beat became stronger and filled the room. Kelley’s eyes filled with wonder and she squeezed Hope’s hand. Rare, but recognizable emotions washed over Hope. Listening to their baby’s heartbeat made her own heart stop beating almost entirely and then race right back up. She hadn’t felt like this since the World Cup. 

Hope breathed, “Wow.”

Dr. Scott’s smiled widened on her face, “Amazing, huh? This is one of my favorite parts of my job. I love seeing such reactions of new parents.” 

Kelley and Hope nodded in silence. Dr. Scott continued, “So would you like to know the gender?”

Hope blinked back to reality and received a reassuring look from Kelley, “Actually, no.” 

Dr. Scott understood, “I figured you wouldn’t want to since you didn’t choose to know the gender for Kelley’s last two pregnancies either. Thought I would ask though.” 

Kelley smiled, “Yeah, we like the element of surprise.”

“I guess that doesn’t surprise me!” 

On the way home, Kelley asked, “Solo, do you have a preference? Boy or girl?”

“Girl.”

“Well that was a fast answer…”

Hope nodded, “A girl would be good. I don’t think I would know what to do with a boy.”

“You never know, it could be fun!” 

“Yeah, but let’s not make this harder for me than it could potentially be.” 

“Alright, alright…three girls would be fun. The baby’s health is first priority, of course.”

“Yeah, exactly. But I still have my bets placed on a girl.” Hope concluded. 

The second trimester turned out to be easier on Hope, and she and Kelley planned a quick getaway weekend in the Seattle area. They were going to leave the kids with Hope’s mom while they spent some alone time at the Kirkland house Hope had kept. Kelley had other plans up her sleeve though. 

Kelley noticed, “Wow, it’s so quiet without the tiny humans.” 

Hope nodded, “I’m excited for this weekend- finally some peace and quiet…wait Kell, you missed the exit to the house.” 

Kelley smirked, “Let’s just say I have other plans.”

“Where are we going?” Hope became more alert.

“The ferry terminal. I thought we’d head up to San Juan Island so I booked us a house on the water for ourselves. I know you like getting away from the craziness of the city, and thought it would be a perfect quiet place for us to spend some quality time together. I know this pregnancy hasn’t been easy, and neither was the decision leading up to it. We need some time together…just you and me. I guess you would call this a baby-moon.” Kelley explained and laughed a little. 

Hope leaned over and kissed Kelley’s cheek, “This sounds amazing…thank you, Kell.” 

As the weekend progressed, Hope did her best to seem happy in front of Kelley. They had a great time exploring the little town and eating lots of great food now that Hope’s morning sickness had subsided, but Hope had a very unsettling feeling inside. She thought the weekend getaway would be good to distress, but all the quiet time only made her thoughts louder. The insecurities she felt about having a third child were surfacing again, and she felt herself closing off her thoughts from Kelley. She knew communication was key, but it had always been in her nature to keep to herself. This was something the two women had a difficult time with in their marriage, but Kelley thought Hope was learning a lot about fixing that. Little did Kelley know was that Hope was pushing her insecurities further down, hoping to find a way to avoid them. Hope had a bad feeling about this from the very beginning, and it only seemed to get worse.


	6. Second Thoughts

Kelley walked through the door and placed her keys on the counter. She had just finished a long press conference for the She Believes Camp. It was past the kids' bedtime, so she quietly made her way through the house and to her bedroom. On her way, she noticed the lights of the nursery were on. 

Peeking in, she found Hope standing on a ladder, painting the walls. “Hope? What are you doing?”

“Well what does it look like I’m doing?”

Kelley sighed, “I said we could finish the paint job this weekend. I’ve just been busy with all the press conferences and meetings as we wrap up camp.” 

“I can do somethings on my own, you know.”

“Not this.” Kelley put her foot down.

“Stop telling me what to do! I’m fine!” 

“Hope, you’re almost 8 months pregnant and you’re on a ladder. What if you lost your balance?”

“Well, I’m the best goalkeeper in the world.”

Kelley thought her excuse was ridiculous, “This has nothing to do with soccer! Our baby’s life is at stake here!”

“Okay, well what about my well-being? You’ve been bossing me around ever since the beginning of the third trimester! I try cooking, you stop me. I try putting together the crib, you stop me. Hell, I even try picking up Harper, and you stop me. It’s getting old!” Hope fought. 

“You know it’s for your own good. I know that’s hard for you to grasp, but just accept it. Can you please just go to bed? It’s getting late.” 

“God! Just stop treating me like a child!” Hope raised her voice. Losing her patience, she threw down the paintbrush and stormed past Kelley out of the room. 

Kelley sighed. She knew it was difficult having to “slow down.” It was just as hard as the recovery process after the surgeries they had when they were still playing soccer professionally. You want to train as much as possible and get back up to speed, but you just can’t because your body can’t handle it. Although Hope was incredibly stubborn, Kelley still pitied her and decided to finish painting the nursery so that Hope wouldn’t have to worry about getting so much done before the baby was born. Unfortunately, the painting incident was small compared to the major issue Kelley and Hope would have to face in the upcoming month. 

“I’m going out with Ashlyn to plan skill exercises for the camp. I’ll be back this afternoon.” Hope notified Kelley who was trying to feed Harper. 

“Uhmm…sure. Just be careful, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“I mean it, Hope.”

“I won’t be in the net…just kicking a few balls here and there.” Hope promised. 

A few hours later, Kelley heard the doorbell ring. She wasn’t expecting anyone, but opened the door anyways. “Ali? What are you doing here?”

Ali looked nervous, “We have a bit of a problem…Ashlyn called me and…”

“What’s wrong with Hope?” Kelley jumped the gun, knowing exactly where the conversation was heading. 

“She’s in the hospital.”

“Damn it.” Kelley ran her hand through her hand, “I told her not to overdo it! Is she alright?”

“She’s alert, but apparently in some pain. Ash brought her in to the hospital. I have the car ready outside, so if you want to just grab the kids and hop in the car…”

“I’ll be ready in a few.” 

Once they arrived at the hospital, Kelley rushed in with Ali trailing behind with the kids. “Hi my name is Kelley O’Hara. My wife, Hope Solo was brought in and…”

“Right, Hope Solo…we recognized her and put her in a more private section of the hospital to give you all some privacy. She’s in room 223.”

“Great, thank you so much.” Kelley replied gratefully before sprinting to the second floor. She quickly noticed Ashlyn, who was getting some water from a drinking fountain. “Ash!”

“Oh you’re here!”

Kelley placed a hand on the doorknob of room 223. “This is her room, right?”

“Whoa, hold on there…” Ashlyn quickly stopped her. “Look, Kelley, be gentle. She feels bad enough…” 

Kelley sternly replied, “Thanks for the concern, but just let me talk to her.” With haste, she entered the room, immediately locking eyes with Hope. 

“Kell…” 

“No- you over did it, didn’t you?! Even after I told you to be careful, you still went ahead and over did it!” Kelley’s voice thundered with anger. She continued, “Jesus Christ. Do I need to remind you every single moment that you’re pregnant? 

“Kell….please, not now…”

Kelley’s anger only increased, “Don’t you remember what it was like when I was pregnant? And how you were worried about everything I did? That’s how I feel now. Out of all people, you should know how I feel. I know you want to do anything and everything, but you can’t.” 

“Please…let’s just…”

“No! We need to have this conversation now! You’re being ridiculously selfish. I know that you’re Hope Solo and you’re used to being independent, but you need to understand that you’re in charge of another life right now. Maybe you aren’t fit…” Kelley regretted what she was about to say. 

“Just say it.” Hope look hurt, but urged her on. 

“Hope…I didn’t mean.,,”

“I…I’m sorry, okay! I’m trying my best. Not everyone can be the perfect mother you are, okay?!” Hope exclaimed. 

“Hope, that’s not what I meant…I should be apologizing…”

Dr. Scott walked in, but immediately realized she was interrupting a very heated conversation. “Oh…is this is a bad time? I can come back in five minutes.”

Hope shook her head and recollected herself, “No, no…it’s fine. We were just discussing a few things. Are the test results back?

Dr. Scott nodded, “Yes…we’re most concerned about the rate that your baby’s heart is beating at. It’s quite high.”

“How do we get it to lower?” Kelley asked. 

“Well, I want to avoid medications since they could have some tiring side effects. Plus, you’re close to the end of your pregnancy. However, it is ideal that you carry for at least another month to ensure the best health for the baby. Thus, I would like to send you on bed rest. We’ll keep you here for the night just for observation, but then you should be able to go home tomorrow morning.” Dr. Scott address Hope directly. 

Hope sighed in disappointment and didn’t say a word. Kelley thanked the doctor before she was on her way. “I know you didn’t like that answer, but…”

“Kelley, I don’t need another lecture from you. I understood what she meant by bed rest.”

“Look, about earlier…”

“Just forget it. I don’t want to talk, and I’m tired now.” 

“Alright…” Kelley gave up. “I’m going to check on the kids and see if someone can watch them for the night…I’ll be back later.” 

Hope laid down and turned her back to Kelley, not even saying goodbye. She was truly sick of this pregnancy. It wasn’t as peachy as she had envisioned, and now being on bed rest made it so much worse. She hated being so inactive and dependent on others, and especially was frustrated with Kelley’s treatment of her lately. She couldn’t be the mother that Kelley was; she couldn’t help how different she was from most women her age. She wasn’t exactly the nurturing type that was cut out to be a mom, and she let that thought infest her imagination. She sure wanted the pregnancy to end soon, but at the same time, she wasn’t looking forward to the baby being born because she would then be tested on what it’s like to truly become a mother. She wasn’t prepared for that- nor did she think she ever could be.


	7. Oh Baby

Hope was miserable. Having to stay off her feet for the last two months had been utter torture for her. She missed teaching at camp with her friends, being able to drop Charlie off to school, and going on runs with Kelley, even if most of the time she couldn’t keep up with the fast and younger woman. She wanted to do things for herself, to be independent. She flipped through the TV channels once more before deciding there was nothing to watch. She had just picked up a book when Kelley walked through the door with her morning breakfast smoothie. 

“How are you feeling this morning?” Kelley asked calmly. 

“Awful. I hate this, Kell. I’m so over it.”

Kelley sighed, “I know…it’ll be over soon.”

“Really though? September is finally here and nothing has happened besides the usual aches and pains.”

“Okay, but reminder that you’re still three days out from the due date.”

“Three days! That’s all! I’ve heard of woman who go into labor a week or two early! Why can’t that happen to me?”

Kelley rolled her eyes, “You can last a few more days, Solo. Stop whining.” 

“I’m not whining! I’m desperate.” 

“Why are you so anxious for the baby to come anyways? I mean of course I know why, but you do realize that you have to get through birth first, right? It’s only going to get worse before it gets better.”

“Well, jeez, thanks for the comforting words.” Hope frowned. 

“I’m just giving it to you straight…you don’t like bullshit, remember?”

“Ugh…I’m not even looking forward to post birth either.”

Kelley was slightly concerned by her statement and said, “Hey, don’t say that. You’re going to be okay. Our family is going to be complete.” 

“I don’t know, Kell…I doubt I’m ready for more sleepless nights, crying, poopy diapers, and the whole nine yards.” 

“If we did it with Charlie and Harper, we can certainly do it a third time. I’m going to be by your side this whole time.”

Hope half-smiled, “Thanks, KO.” 

One particular morning a week later, Hope felt some unusual back pains, but quickly took some aspirin to take off the edge. These days, Kelley barely left the house since she was scared of missing Hope going into labor. Hope of course hated that she was being waited on 24/7, and urged her wife to go out, despite the pain she was enduring that day. 

“I don’t know, Hope…it seems like an all-day affair and I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone for that long. You could go into labor any day now.”

“Kelley, please go! You haven’t been out in so long. The kids will enjoy it…they love spending time with Kriegs, Ash, and their crew. I’ll be fine.” Hope insisted. 

“But what if you need me?”

“You’re only a phone call away.”

“Yeah, but then I have to drive home and…”

“For the hundredth time, I’m fine!” Hope half-lied as she felt another round of searing pain in her back. She discretely grimaced. 

“But what if I’m too late?”

“No more buts! We can’t be living every minute waiting for me to go into labor. Go and have fun today, honestly.”

“I just don’t know…”

“Just go!” Hope practically had to yell for Kelley to finally give in. 

“Fine, fine…but if you notice anything different at all, you give me a call, okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah…”

“Okay…I’ll see you at dinner. Maybe Ash and Ali would like to join us too.”

“That sounds great.” Hope agreed, just hoping that Kelley would leave. 

The morning was fine, but by the time noon rolled around, Hope knew something was wrong. The pain in her lower back was spreading to her legs, and a cramp even formed in her lower abdomen. She started to sweat, but she couldn’t tell if it was physical or just out of anxiety. She couldn’t believe it- Kelley was right. She was most likely going into labor, but being her stubborn self, she tried to ignore the pain and endure it for as long as possible. She didn’t want Kelley telling her “I told you so.” 

Later that evening, Kelley along with Ashlyn and Ali’s family came back home for dinner. Kelley shouted at the bottom of the stairs, “Hope, we’re home! We brought take out! I’ll be up in a sec!” 

As they made plates, Hope appeared in the doorway, “Oh, hey guys…”

Kelley frowned, “Hey, what are you doing up and walking? I said I would bring you food.”

Hope tried to reply, but instead let out a gasp and clutched her lower back. 

Now it was Ashlyn’s turn to frown, “Whoa, Hope…you don’t look too good.” She walked over and felt her forehead, “You’re getting clammy.”

“I…I’m fine.”  
Kelley crossed her arms, “You don’t look fine…are you having unusual pain anywhere?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say it’s unusual…”

Ali pointed out the obvious, “You know, you might be going into labor.”

“No, I’m not...I’m just tired and…” Hope now clutched her abdomen, and looked down at her feet where a pool of water laid. 

“Holy shit, you water broke!” Ashlyn exclaimed.

“Ash, language!” Ali scolded her wife, referring to the younger children at the dining table in the room next door. 

Hope gave in, “Okay, yeah, I’m in labor.” 

She looked up at Kelley who had now lost all color in her face and stared nonchalantly straight ahead. She repeated, “I’m in labor, Kell.”

Ali walked over and helped Hope stand up straight. Ashlyn waved her hands in front of Kelley, “Yo, KO! Time for you guys to have a baby! Hello? Anyone there?”

Hope rolled her eyes, “I can’t believe she’s gone into shock now. She should be used to this- hell, she’s done this twice! And I never freaked out. Well during Charlie’s birth, I wanted to puke but I got over that because I’m tough!”

Ali rubbed her friends back, “Okayyyy now, calm down, Hope. No need to bash Kelley. Let’s focus on getting you to the hospital.”

At this point, Ashlyn was shaking Kelley. “Snap out of it! If we don’t get to the hospital soon, Hope is literally going to pop out your child on this kitchen floor and I swear to God I am never coming over for dinner again!”

Kelley felt herself coming back to reality and the sounds around her became clearer. “Uhh…hospital…the hospital bag…we have to get that. Upstairs…”

Ashlyn nodded, “Okay, you find the car keys and I’ll run up and find the bag.” 

Soon everyone was packed into two cars with Ashlyn following Kelley. She waited patiently for them to back out of their garage, but the car lights didn’t turn on and nothing happened. Ash rolled down her window, “Kelley! What’s going on? Let’s go!”

Kelley stumbled out of the front seat, “I…I don’t have the keys.”

Before Ashlyn could respond, she could hear Hope yelling, “Well then freaking get the keys, O’Hara! You had one bloody job! I could strangle you right now! I’m in labor, you idiot!” 

Ashlyn’s eyes widened and looked at Ali in the passenger seat, “I’m so thankful that you are my wife.”

Ali hit her playfully on the arm, “Stop joking around! Let’s just get to the hospital before Hope rips off Kell’s head.”  
Everyone finally made it to the hospital, including Tobin and Alex, whom Ali called on the way. Hope was admitted as it was pretty clear that she exhibited pre-labor signs. 

Laying in the hospital bed, Hope took a deep breath, “Where the hell is Dr. Scott?”

Kelley sighed and slumped further down in her seat as she closed her eyes to get some rest, “Hope, just be patient...he said we can’t do anything until you progress further.”

“This is painful.”

“That’s an understatement of the year. Trust me, I know what you’re going through. It sucks.”

Hours later, it was soon evening time. Dr. Scott had just arrived to check on Hope’s progress. After examining her, she said, “Unfortunately, I have some news you probably don’t want to hear.”

Kelley quickly sat up, “What’s wrong?”

Turning to Hope, the doctor informed, “Hope, I’m sorry, but you’re only 4 cm dilated. You’re going to have to labor into the night.”

“Oh, you’ve got to be shitting me right now.” Hope cursed. 

“I’ll be back in the morning to check on you unless otherwise. Hang in there.”

Kelley sighed, “Thanks, doctor.” After hearing the news, she informed their family and friends who were anxiously waiting outside. 

“Kell! Any news?” Alex jumped up. 

“Hope’s nowhere near ready…we’ll be lucky if she delivers by morning.” 

Ali frowned, “Oh goodness…how did Hope take it?”

Kelley replied, “Well she isn’t happy about it, that’s for sure. I don’t think you want to visit right now…she’s not in the greatest mood, and we all know what Hope is like when she’s frustrated.”

Ashlyn scoffed, “No kidding. You were so close to being strangled earlier, KO. You better watch out during labor…you might lose a hand.” 

Kelley half-smiled, “Thanks for the advice, Ashlyn. Would any of you mind watching the kids overnight, and until the baby is born? They look exhausted and I don’t want them losing anymore sleep over this.”

“Of course! We’ll take them.” Alex offered as Tobin nodded in agreement. 

As Kelley predicted, the night was rough. Hope was up every two hours as the pain slowly started to increase. Kelley helped her walk around the hospital floor for a change of scenery, and hopes of furthering the labor. Hope’s demeanor was dimmer and she now expressed an “I’m so done” face. Around mid-morning, Hope was experiencing pain almost every ten minutes and was gripping the bed sheets like it was life or death. 

“It has got to be time by now!” Hope exclaimed. “I’m exhausted and I haven’t even delivered this kid yet!”

Kelley held her hand, “Hey, just…”

“Get Dr. Scott, Kell.”

“Well she said she’d be back this morning…”

“NOW!” Hope shouted enough to frighten Kelley, who quickly left the room in search of the doctor. Once she found her, Dr. Scott quickly examined Hope for the second time and finally announced that she was ready to begin delivery. Kelley’s insides tingled with excitement as she sent a quick text to everyone and changed into scrubs. 

“Oh thank GOD this is finally happening!” Hope was sweating and so ready for delivery. 

Kelley leaned down and kissed her wife’s cheek, “We got this.”

Hope glared, “Okay, there’s no we in this right now. Just me. ALL BY MYSELF.”

“I’m going to be here the whole time…I had to do this twice you know!” Kelley argued. 

“That was your choice!”

“This is yours too!”

“Kelley, I am literally about to push a small child out of a hole the size of my fist.” 

Kelley looked disturbed, “Can you not describe it that way? Like I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works. Scientifically, your cervix…”

“SHUT UP, STANFORD.” Hope glared, but then squirmed as she felt another contraction coming on. 

Dr. Scott advised, “Kelley, I think it would be best if you didn’t talk for the next hour or so…just hold her hand.”

Kelley refused, “The best goalkeeper in the world is giving birth today. I do not plan on losing a hand.”

Hope sent Kelley another death glare, “Hold my fucking hand, will you?!”

Kelley reluctantly placed her trembling hand in Hope’s and as soon as she did, she felt it going numb- and it would stay like that for the next hour. 

-

Everyone had been waiting patiently in the hospital lobby until a nurse arrived and said that Kelley, Hope, and their newborn were ready for visitors. They quietly walked into the room, but smiled at the sight before them. Kelley sat on the end of the hospital bed and had the goofiest grin on her face like a child would on Christmas morning, despite her messy bun and ice pack on her hand. Hope was sitting up right with her focus on the newest addition of the family. 

Without looking up and forever intrigued by the small bundle her arms, Hope softly announced, “Everyone, meet Bailey Flynn O’Hara-Solo.”


	8. Just Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's going to the USA vs. Brazil match in Seattle!?!?! This girl :) Hope you enjoy this chapter- plenty more of it to come!

Bailey Flynn Ohara-Solo. 

What an adorable baby boy. He had a full head of dark brown hair and was growing each day, perhaps on the trajectory to become an athlete one day just like his mommas. However, as cute as he was, his demeanor was a mystery- something that he had in common with Hope. His most dominant feature was his deep blue eyes that could pierce anyone’s soul. He wasn’t a generally happy baby, but that did not mean he was stoic. He was just curious about his surroundings as if he was constantly in deep thought. On the rare occasion that he let out a few giggles here and there, he had the ability to draw someone in. He wasn’t necessarily easy to love; he was just captivating. 

From the moment Kelley laid eyes on him, she was intrigued. She immediately knew that this baby was different. Not a bad different, just mysterious…so much like Hope. She was attracted to their baby boy and was looking forward to getting to know his quirks and little personality. It was sort of like a challenge to her- in the same way it was beginning a relationship with Hope- and that’s what made this journey so exciting. She loved spending every minute with him and was sitting in the nursery, watching him sleep contently when Hope appeared in the doorway. 

“How long have you been up with him?” Hope looked down at her watch. 

“He started to cry around 4 this morning…you were passed out, so I thought I would check on him.”

“It’s 7 am, Kelley…you should’ve woken me up. You didn’t have to stay here for three hours.” 

“No, no it’s fine…I love being with our little man. It’s calming for me. I just lost track of time.” 

“Alright…thanks.” Hope felt a small presence next to her. “Oh good morning, Charlie. You’re up early.” 

Charlie rubbed her eyes and made her way towards Kelley. She stood on her tiptoes, “Bay-wee?” 

Kelley smiled, “Yeah, it’s your little brother. He’s sleeping.”

Charlie’s interest soon turned to a pout as she realized that Kelley was paying more attention to the baby than her. She held her hands up and began to whimper. 

“I can’t carry you now, little squirrel.”

“Nooo…” Charlie whined.

“Shhh…you’re going to wake up Bailey.”

“Nooo….Mama. Up!” 

Hope walked over, “Here, let me take Bailey so you can carry Charlie.” 

Kelley reluctantly gave up their son and shifted her focus to their eldest daughter. She pressed her forehead against Charlie’s and smirked, “Are you okay now? You got what you want.” 

Charlie smiled, but then reached for Charlie. Kelley happily obliged and stood closer to Hope. “Gentle, please.”  
Charlie reached out and touched Bailey’s head of hair, and then kissed him on the cheek. She blushed and looked back up at Kelley with the biggest smile. 

Her little action even warmed Hope’s heart, prompting her to say, “Good girl, Charlie. Lots of love.” 

Kelley’s admiration for their little family soared past her expectations, but unfortunately it turned for the worse over the next few months. That sweet little moment turned into sleepless nights due to Bailey being colicky. But Kelley was far from giving up. 

It was 2 in the morning and Hope was bouncing their crying son up and down. “Dr. Scott said he should’ve gotten over this by now. We’re on month six and he barely sleeps for two hours at a time!”

“Well, Dr. Scott did say that some babies are abnormally colicky up until age one. Bailey might be one of the more uncommon cases.” Kelley yawned. 

“Isn’t there medicine for this or something? He’s so upset.” Hope paced back and forth as Bailey’s cries got louder and louder. 

“The best thing for him is organic, breast milk.” 

“He won’t take mine!”

Kelley urged, “Come on, let’s try one more time.” 

Hope sat down and held Bailey close. He fidgeted for quite a while, latching on and off, but then resorted to fussing and crying when he wasn’t being fed. She exclaimed, “What do you want from me?!” 

Kelley put a hand on Hope’s shoulder, “Hey, calm down…”

“No! I’m exhausted, Kelley! I sleep an average of four hours every night because of this. Here, you take him. I’m done for the night.” Hope practically shoved their crying son into Kelley’s hands. 

“Shhh…it’s okay…” Kelley tried soothing Bailey, not bothering to chase after Hope. She would cool down eventually, she thought. 

It wasn’t like Hope to give up so easily. But something about Bailey was so hard for her to connect with. For God’s sake, he wouldn’t even take her breast milk. Kelley had always gushed about sharing a maternal bond with both Charlie and Harper, but Hope could not detect one between her and Bailey. His guard was up, and she couldn’t get through to him. But she was his maternal mother…shouldn’t that come naturally to her? Hope’s mind wandered all over the place, but it was solely based in the insecurity that maybe she wasn’t meant to be a mother- to nurture and be responsible for another human. 

After sticking with Bailey for another hour, Kelley was finally able to put him to bed. She crept back into her own bed and was about to fall asleep when she noticed that Hope’s breathing was a bit faster than normal, indicating she was awake. 

Kelley peaked over Hope’s shoulder, “You’re awake, aren’t you?” Hope nodded as she continued, “Do you want to talk about something?” 

After a moment of thinking, Hope sat up and flicked the lights on. She stared straight into Kelley’s eyes and honestly stated, “I don’t know if I can do this.”  
“Hm? Bailey? Of course you can, Hope.” 

“He cries nonstop and is constantly upset. I can’t bear his shrieking.”

“What do you expect? He’s a baby…with colicky issues. It’s just an obstacle we have to jump over.” Kelley reasoned. 

“I don’t know…it’s not just that. There’s something different about him.”

“Well it’s not like we haven’t had kids before. Don’t you remember the long nights with Charlie and Harper? And how challenging they can be even today? We’ve had plenty of practice. We’ll be fine.”

Hope blurted out, “Bailey’s a boy! I don’t do boys…I don’t know how to deal with them. I’ve spent the majority of my life playing soccer on a women’s team.”

Kelley was slightly alarmed, “Oh come on, Hope. You can’t blame such difficulties on the fact that Bailey’s a boy. He’s going to grow up just like any other kid.” 

“That’s the point. What are we going to do when he grows up? How much food does a growing boy eat? Is it more than a girl? When does puberty kick in? When does he learn to dress himself? Do we even know how to dress him now? Or…” Hope’s anxiety made her list all the possible things that could go wrong. 

“Whoa, slow down, babe. This is all part of parenting. We’re still learning with Charlie and Harper. When you talk like this, you sound crazy. It’s going to be okay.” 

“How do you know?”

“I don’t. But I do know that you’re freaking out for no good reason. Just talk to me if you’re concerned about everything…remember, this takes two of us. No one should have to go through parenting alone. We’re better as a team.” Kelley said, half referencing their past time together as teammates. 

Hope’s nerves found Kelley’s word somewhat comforting, but her body’s response to all the stress and lingering questions flying through her mind resulted in heavy and quicker breathing. She tried to push it away, but it only got worse. 

“Hope, look at me. Take a deep breath…just breathe.” Kelley took Hope’s hand in hers and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. Without saying anything, she started directly at Hope, hoping to calm her down. But unfortunately, she only saw panic and secrets in Hope’s glazed eyes. Kelley wasn’t stupid and she didn’t want to believe it either, but there was definitely something Hope was keeping from her.


	9. Distant

“Hey! How was work?” Kelley greeted her wife. It was the start of the New Year and Hope had just taken a new job as a goalkeeping advisor for the USWNT. She may not be playing in the upcoming World Cup, but it didn’t mean she was going to give up soccer completely. It was a very demanding job as she constantly had to be at training camp, and would be traveling here and there. However, today her fellow colleagues pressured her in perhaps joining them in France for the actual tournament. That was never part of the job description, and the main reason why Kelley had encouraged her to take it.

Hope sat down on the couch, “Busy.”

“As expected…how’s the team looking?”

“They’re pretty solid. You knew that coming out of the last World Cup we had a lot of depth to the team, so that will take us pretty far in the upcoming games.”

“I’m looking forward to watching them play.”

“Me too…hey, about that…” Hope nervously began.

Kelley cradled Bailey in her arms and looked up, “Yeah? Go on…”

Hope quickly blurted out, “They want me to join them for the actual tournament.”

“What? In France?” Kelley sounded surprised.

“That’s the plan…”

“Well what did you say?”

Hope sighed, “I told them I would think about it…”

Kelley’s shoulders dropped in disappointment, “Hope, we both agreed that when you took this job that you were doing it part time. We have three young kids at home, and we’ll busy enough as it is with camp.”

“I know…I didn’t think this was part of the job description. But hearing them talk about it every day just takes me back to four years ago…how everything was so exhilarating. I haven’t felt that way in awhile…”

Kelley couldn’t understand where Hope was coming from. What more than three kids could be so exhilarating? But she knew how much Hope loved playing professionally. She asked, “Well? Are you going to go?”

“I haven’t made a decision…what do you think?”

“Like I said, we’re already so busy…I don’t think it’s the greatest idea ever. Not super pumped about you leaving me with three kids for a month.”

“I just want to keep my options open, okay? I miss playing, Kell.” Hope said truthfully.

“I do, too…but our family comes first. So, please don’t go…” Kelley said handing over Bailey to her.

Hope pursed her lips, not afraid to show her discontent. She looked down at Bailey, but as soon as she did, he started to fidget and cry. Hope couldn’t stand his cries and quickly gave him back to Kelley before leaving, “I don’t have time to deal with this right now.”

Later that night, Hope walked downstairs to see what was in the fridge. She couldn’t help that she had a sweet tooth. But on the way down, Hope passed the living room and noticed Charlie playing at Kelley’s feet while she bounced Bailey up and down. Bailey giggled and gave Kelley one of his signature smiles. As Bailey grew, they quickly learned that their little boy was on the shy side but became more comfortable around people as he spent more time with them. Kelley was one of the few who could make him laugh on a regular basis. He loved Kelley, and it frustrated Hope that being a mother came so easy to her. Some would say that Bailey was so similar with Hope, so disinclined to get close to people, that it was much more difficult for Hope to share a special bond with him. 

As Hope sat down with her chocolate cake, Kelley walked in with Bailey sound asleep in her arms. She said in a quiet voice, “Oooo cake!”

Envious of Kelley and the quiet Bailey, Hope responded coldly, “How do you do that? How do you get him to play with you? And then fall asleep in a span of ten minutes?”

Kelley was taken aback, “It’s not that hard…”

“It doesn’t work for me.” Hope took a bit of the cake.

“He likes when people open up and let him know that he’s loved.” Kelley gave a simple answer.

“You don’t think I do that?!” Hope exclaimed.

“I never said that! But now that you implied it, then yeah, maybe you do need to be more patient with Bailey…Hope, what’s gotten into you?”

Completely ignoring her question of concern, Hope washed her dish and mumbled, “I’m tired…I’m going to head to bed.”

-

As time flew by, Hope slowly started to shut down and used her busy job as an excuse to not be at home and deal with their children. Kelley noticed she was much more distant and cold to their kids. Before, she would help Charlie get ready for school, play with Harper, and offer to change Bailey’s diaper, but now she was out the door early in the morning and never returned until late. Kelley thought her new USWNT job had taken a toll on her and tried to cut her some slack, but when Hope failed to show up at Charlie’s end of the school year assembly, she was super disappointed and upset.

Kelley confronted Hope when she finally came home around 11 p.m. “Where have you been?”

“Long meeting.”

“Really? Until 11 p.m.?”

“You know how demanding this job is.”  
“Actually, I don’t…not anymore, that is. I thought you were just supposed to be an advisor? Not a coach. You spend so much time helping the team train- they see you more than your own family!” Kelley spoke the hard truth.

“Alright, alright…I get that you’re upset, but I’m sorry it’s only going to get worse as we get closer to the tournament.”

“Did you know that you missed Charlie’s end of the school year assembly today? Even after I reminded you last night, you still missed it! She was looking for you!” Kelley’s voice trembled.

Hope felt some guilt, but quickly brushed it off. “There will be plenty more of those.”

“This isn’t like you.”

“I’m just busy, Kelley. Stop being so upset.”

“No, I’m not upset- I’m beyond that. I’m pissed and disappointed. How could you just push your family aside to the back burner? We were doing so well before all this.”

Hope stared at her, “What do you mean by ‘all this’?”

“Ever since Bailey was born, I feel like there’s such negative energy around the household- whether it’s between you or the kids, or you and me.” Kelley hinted.

“Well maybe Bailey wasn’t such a good idea after all!” Hope exclaimed angrily.

“Are you seriously bringing this up now? After everything’s been said and done?” Kelley thought Hope was being unreasonable. She continued, “You said you were sure about this…”

“I didn’t want this.” Hope admitted. “I knew having another baby was a bad idea…I just knew it.”

Kelley’s eyes burned with frustration and hurt, “Great! Thanks for sharing that with me now.”

“Hey, you know I’ve always been apprehensive about this subject.”

“Then why the hell did you get pregnant?!” Kelley was trying to understand.

Hope immediately replied, “For YOU! I did this to make you happy…I literally shut out my instincts so that you could get what you wanted! That’s the effect that you have on me, Kell…and I hate it. I regret this so much.”

Tears formed in Kelley’s eyes as she realized Hope was battling her demons again. Her insecurities were preventing her from loving and seeing the good that comes from relationships. Hope had always believed that she was destined for the bad no matter how many times Kelley tried to help her. But this was crossing the line- when she begins to hurt their children that’s when Kelley had enough.

Kelley’s disappointment shined through as she bitterly said, “I’m not going to let you hurt them, Hope. You may think that unhappy endings and shit are always going to follow you, but I’m not going to let you cast that mentality over our kids. Don’t you dare let them take the hit for your poor decision.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t be in their lives anymore then. That’s what you’re implying, huh?”  
“No! That’s not what I meant! They love you, Hope! You just need to realize that and accept it. You’re their mother just as much as I am.”

“But what if I can’t love them?” Hope finally revealed her insecurities to Kelley.

“You can. I believe in you.” Kelley honestly replied.

“Well I don’t.” Hope said sadly.

“I don’t know what to do to get through to you, and frankly, I don’t know if I have the patience to anymore.” Kelley thought back on their own relationship and how long it took for Hope to be okay with it.

“You don’t need patience for me…not anymore.” Hope looked down as she thought hard about the big decision she had recently made.

Kelley stared at her with confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I told them yes. I’m going to France.”


	10. Lub-Dub

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big chapter ahead :)

By the next morning, Hope had all her bags packed and left without a word. After she made the sudden announcement of joining the team in France, they immediately stopped talking. Kelley was extremely disappointed and almost in denial until she actually walked out the door. She knew that taking care of their kids wasn’t going to be the hard part; she was scared of how quickly Hope was changing. She had been so distant, not even giving Bailey a proper chance to bond with her. It frustrated her that Hope’s pregnancy had gone so downhill, but she was disappointed the most when Hope spoke of her regrets. She never wanted Bailey, and Kelley couldn’t help but feel some guilt for pressuring her when she wasn’t ready. But would she have ever been ready? These thoughts encompassed Kelley’s thoughts and when Charlie tugged on her shirt asking “Where is Mommy?” she couldn’t help but let a tear fall and realize how difficult the month ahead would be for their family.

After hours of traveling, Hope finally reached their team hotel. She was exhausted from the lack of sleep and discomforts of flying, but mostly from her thinking too much about Kelley and the kids. She couldn’t get Kelley’s face out of her mind when she told her that she had made the decision to be fully present throughout the World Cup. She could tell Kelley was shocked at first, but then her eyes had suddenly pierced Hope as if to ask her “Why would you do this to us?” It might’ve seen like she didn’t care about her family, but really, she just wanted to get back in the mindset of playing soccer at an international level…well, maybe that was a bit of a lie. She had been so frustrated with the progression of her bonding with Bailey that she had started to shut down. In her mind, going to France was a little break from all the hustle and bustle at home. She truly hoped her mind would fix itself and she could get back to her family- to loving them. She hated leaving the way that she did, but there wasn’t much to say after that. Hope knew thinking about this anymore would be quite detrimental, so she quickly pushed her thoughts aside. She was running away. She had always been good at that.

As the month goes by, Kelley can’t even bring herself to watch any of the World Cup games. Both her and Hope were being stubborn in contacting each other- frankly, though, Kelley couldn’t bear to see Hope on the TV, even if she was dying to do so. She heard about the exciting games via social media, but by the final, she had lost her patience. The USA was playing Canada and according to the match forecasts, it would be a close game. Kelley wasn’t one to miss these type of things, so she flipped on the TV. Her heart skipped a beat every time the camera shot would change and her hands started to tremble. The players were being introduced and the Star Spangled Banner was sung before she got her first glimpse of Hope. She was sitting next to Jill with a pointed stare across the field. Kelley knew she was in her element- it was rare that she was out of it when it came to soccer. She looked good, making Kelley miss her even more. She hated fighting with her.

For the next hour and a half, Kelley was on the edge of her seat. Mostly because every once in a while she’d get a glimpse of Hope, but mostly because the sports newscasters were right- this was a close game. It reminded her of the game they played against Canada in the London Olympics. One team would score, and then the other team would follow suit shortly after, and it would go on and on. The score had finally settle at 3-3 until it was time for penalty kicks. Those were the nightmares of any soccer player. Canada was making their last shot when the young, and first time World Cup player, dived and punched out the ball. The USA had won for the second Cup in a row. The team celebrated with one another and she saw Hope walk over to the goal keeper and give her well-known smile that was only reserved such big moments. As Hope smiled, Kelley did as well. She was happy that Hope was happy.

Kelley continued to watch post-game celebrations and interviews when she felt a tug at her shirt. She looked down and saw her own eyes staring back at her, “Mama?”

“Hi Charlie…what can I do for you?”

“Bay-wee crying.”

“Oh really?” Kelley quickly got up. She must’ve been so in tuned with the final game that she must’ve blocked out everything else. She found Bailey in his crib, indeed crying. She bounced him up and down, tried feeding him, and changed his diaper, but nothing seemed to work. Bailey’s sharp blue eyes had become dull and his cries turned into painful screams. Something was hurting him and Kelley felt awful for not being able to fix it.

“Shhh…Bailey, what’s wrong? I’m sorry….shhh….” Kelley coaxed. The little boy’s face reddened because he was crying so hard. Kelley felt his head and could immediately tell he was burning up. It would soon surprise her that he had a 103 degree fever, which she knew could be really dangerous for a baby. She placed a cold, damp cloth over his forehead as she called Alex.

“Hey, Al, sorry for calling so late, but Bailey has a pretty high fever.”

“Oh, shoot! What’s it at?”

“103 degrees.”

“Kell, that’s not good…do you need us to do something?”

“I’m going to take Bailey into the ER. He’s really sick, Al, and I don’t want this getting worse.” Kelley was stressing.

Hearing Kelley’s voice wavering over the phone and knowing Hope was in France, Alex suggested, “Alright, how about Tobin watches the kids while I accompany you to the hospital?”

“That sounds great. Thank you.”

“We’ll be there in ten.”  

-

Hope was so proud of the USWNT. She may have not been the star goalkeeper this time around, but she still played a hand in the team win. This meant everything to her and she was so proud of the progress that not only women soccer, but women sports in general had made over the last four years. This had always been her dream. She was at the team after party celebrating with everyone when her mind slowly started to drift to Kelley and the kids. She had been so focused on the team over the last month that she rarely had time to think about her family. It’s not that she didn’t care anymore, like she told herself in the beginning- she just needed a break. Hope quickly decided she didn’t want to fight Kelley anymore and needed to hear her voice and let her know she was finally ready to come home. She dials Kelley’s phone number, but she gets her voicemail- slightly cringing at the sound of Kelley’s voice. She thought that maybe the time difference was an issue, so she put her phone away and told herself she’d try again the next day.

However, about an hour later, Hope felt her phone buzzing in her back pocket. It was Kelley. She smiled to herself and picked up the phone, “Kelley? Hey…wait…hold on, I can’t hear you.”

Hope made her way out of the loud room and stood outside, “Hey, Kell, sorry- you know how loud the celebration parties can get. Look, I just wanted to apologize for leaving you so suddenly. I know I was a bit immature in leaving that way and then failing to talk to you over the past month, but you know how soccer means to me. I felt like I needed to help coach the girls for one more cup. I really needed this break…Kelley? Hello? Wait, hello?”

Hope checked her phone signal, which was perfectly normal. She realized Kelley was just rambling, “Wait, Kelley, slow down…I can’t understand you. Hey, just calm down…what? Wait when? Uhm, okay…okay…I’m catching the next flight as soon as possible.”

-

“Did you get a hold of her?” Alex asked as Kelley walked back into the ER waiting room with her phone in hand.

“Yeah…she’s taking the next flight out.”

Alex nodded, “Okay, that’s good.” Bailey shifted in her arms and started to whimper again.

Kelley picked him back up and hugged him close, noticing he was in pain again. “I’m sorry, little buddy…I don’t know what’s wrong. We’re going to get you better.”

The ER doctor finally came over to give Bailey some attention. After checking him out, he simply said, “I’m not entirely sure why he has such a high fever, so I would like to run some tests.”

“No idea at all?” Kelley asked impatiently.

“I have a few in mind, but I don’t want to confirm until we do the tests.”

“Fine, okay.” Kelley gave her consent. She watched as Bailey was prodded with needles here and there, and all she could do was hold him close as he cried. She felt so bad she couldn’t do anything to take away his pain.

The doctors decided to admit him for the night to try and lower the fever, so Kelley and Alex just waited patiently in his room. Noticing that Kelley was extremely tense, Alex said, “He’s going to be okay, Kelley.”

“Hmmm…” Kelley seemed to be lost in her own thoughts.

“He probably just caught a bad case of the flu.”

“Yeah, perhaps.” Kelley replied, holding on to Bailey’s hand tighter.

Kelley had drifted asleep when her phone rang. Seeing who it was, she immediately picked up, “Hope? You’re here? Okay, I’ll come find you in the lobby.”

Alex said, “Go ahead, Kell, it’s okay. I’m watching him.”

Kelley nodded in thanks and found herself running to find Hope. She arrived in the lobby no more than five minutes later. Her eyes quickly spotted the tall, dark-haired woman that for some reason, made her come undone. Luckily, there weren’t many people waiting in the lobby at this hour, so she quickly ran up and embraced her wife. Hope held Kelley close and breathed in her scent, something she had missed for so long.

Hope leaned down and kissed Kelley’s forehead, “I’ve missed you.”

Kelley murmured, “Please don’t do that again.”

Hope interlaced her hands with Kelley’s, “I’m sorry…hey, I can tell you’re really tired. Let’s go back to Bailey.”

Kelley led her back up to their sleeping little boy. After greeting Alex, Hope sat beside the infant hospital bed and stroked her son’s hair. She had only been gone for a month, but he looked different. “Poor buddy.”

“He wouldn’t stop crying, Hope. It was terrible. There wasn’t anything I could do either.” Kelley sighed.

“I’m sure you being with him was more than enough.” Hope responded quietly, knowing that she probably wouldn’t have been any better in the situation. She felt her guard going back up and she hated herself- why couldn’t she get close to their little boy?

Kelley sent Alex home now that Hope was around. It was another two hours before the doctor returned. Kelley stood up and crossed her arms, “Bailey’s fever broke overnight…that’s a good sign, right?”

The doctor nodded, “Yes…his body responded well to the medication as well as it naturally cooling down on his own. He stopped crying, which means he wasn’t as worked up.”

“So what bug did he catch?” Hope inquired.

The doctor began, “Well, when I examined him last night, I had a hunch that it might not be flu-related. I didn’t want my hunch to be right though, so I asked for these tests to be first priority and for the results to be accelerated.”

Hope stood up, now beside Kelley. She didn’t like where this was heading. “What do the results say?”

Kelley felt her hand naturally grip Hope’s as she murmured, “Is everything okay?”

The doctor sighed and shook his head, “I’m afraid not…Bailey has been diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia.”

Hope and Kelley weren’t experts in medicine, but once they heard the word leukemia, they knew the doctor meant cancer. At that very moment, Hope felt Kelley go limp in her arms. Kelley cried into the taller woman’s chest as Hope, too, became void of all emotions. The only thing she could feel was both her and Kelley’s hearts racing and beating faster than they ever had in their lives.

_Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub._


	11. Life Isn't Fair

That same day, Bailey was released from his emergency stay at the hospital. On the way home, Hope couldn’t help but notice that Kelley was holding on to their son tighter than normal, as if he was a piece of glass, scared that he would just break at one touch. Kelley tried to refrain from crying, but found it impossible as tears just seemed to escape her eyes. She brushed them away every chance she got. Hope eventually pulled into their driveway, parking their car in the garage. Kelley reluctantly put down Bailey, who quickly waddled into the house. 

Tobin greeted them at the doorway and called into the house, “Charlie! Guess who’s home?!” 

A pair of feet could be heard running down the hallway. Charlie quickly noticed Hope and jumped into her arms, “Mommy! You’re home! Did you win?” 

Hope embraced her daughter, trying to put on a smile as best as she could. “Hi sweetie- yes, we won!” 

“Yay!” Charlie clapped her hands together. “You stay home now?”

“Yeah, I’m home now.” 

Meanwhile, Bailey had wandered over to Alex, who smiled, “Hey buddy! Are you feeling better? Just the flu, right?” She looked up, waiting for an answer. 

In the corner of her eye, Hope noticed Kelley fighting back tears, indicating that she was going to lose it within a matter of minutes. Not wanting to scare the kids, she put down her daughter and ordered, “Little squirrel, why don’t you take your baby brother to the play room? I’m sure he’s missed playing with you.” 

Luckily, Charlie nodded and ran off hand and hand with Bailey, “Come on, baby brother!”

Both Tobin and Alex sensed something was wrong. Alex softly repeated, “Just the flu…right? Kell?” 

Kelley broke down in tears once more and Hope ran her hand up and down her back in hopes of comforting her. She mustered all the strength she had left and explained, “Bailey’s test results showed abnormal readings of his blood cell count…he’s been diagnosed with leukemia.” 

Alex brought her hand to her mouth in shocked as Tobin hugged her close. She then walked up to Kelley and brought her in for a tight hug. “I’m sorry…I…I don’t know what to say.” 

Kelley remained silent as Tobin asked, “So, what’s the next step in all this?” 

Hope answered, “The ER doctor notified our pediatrician, Dr. Scott, and referred us to some oncologists who will be working with her. They believe that the cancer is early onset, which increases Bailey’s chance of recovery, but no promises are being made. We have an appointment first thing in the morning to go over the full diagnosis as well as treatment options.” 

Tobin and Alex were shocked with the news, leaving shortly after so that Hope and Kelley could have some alone time. Neither of them got much sleep that night, and before they knew it, they were anxiously sitting in front of Dr. Scott the following morning. 

Dr. Scott began, “I’m sorry that we have to meet in such circumstances. I’m just going to go through a more detailed report of Bailey’s diagnosis and then explore some treatment options. Feel free to stop me and interrupt me at any time if you have questions.” 

Hope and Kelley nodded in understanding. 

Dr. Scott continued, “So this type of leukemia is common in children. With all the research and technology that we have today, the recovery rate is pretty high, especially since it appears that we caught this early in Bailey. With that being said, I do not want you to expect such a full recovery. While likely, there are still many factors involved and almost anything can happen.” 

Hope was the first to ask a question, “Doctor, besides Bailey’s fever the other night, we haven’t noticed other significant symptoms…is that normal? Maybe his cancer is so little that he won’t experience any at all?” 

“Sadly, that’s not the case…fortunately, the cancer hasn’t spread which is very good in the long run. Unfortunately, because it was caught so early, it just hasn’t had the chance to manifest itself in symptoms. As early as the next few weeks, you’re going to notice Bailey experiencing symptoms, which can range from fevers to easy bruising to extreme fatigue. I’m going to be honest- your son isn’t going to seem like himself for awhile, but just know it’s simply because of his disease.” 

Hope asked another question, “Does his age play a factor in any of this?” 

Dr. Scott nodded, “Definitely. Like I said earlier, this cancer is most common for kids, especially those ranging from 1-6 years old. He’s young, which makes him a fighter. However, we must be really careful in tracking all this.” 

“What are you most concerned about?” Kelley spoke up for the first time. 

“I’m mostly concerned about two things: weight loss and increased chances of infection. Bailey is still undergoing a lot of development as a child, and we need to preserve that by keeping his weight at a good and healthy number. I see this being a problem in the future just because kids are already fickle when it comes to eating. The other concern that I have is Bailey getting sick often due to his low white cell count. As parents, you’re going to be extra careful in micromanaging germs and keeping them as far away from Bailey as possible.” Dr. Scott explained, pausing to give Hope and Kelley a chance to process everything. 

“These concerns don’t include the side effects of treatment, right? I’ve seen what chemo can do to people.” Hope thought about all the people in her life effected by the same disease. 

“Right…so this brings me to treatment options. When not treated, this cancer has the potential to become aggressive, so it’s best if we begin immediately. Most children respond to chemotherapy and I think it would be in our interest to set up a three month plan for administering that. We’ll start with smaller doses so that Bailey’s body can warm up to it, and then we’ll slowly increase the amount we administer by the week.” 

Hope interrupted, “I’m sorry, but is there really no other treatment option these days besides chemo? I just know how powerful of a drug it is and that scares me.” 

“Rightfully so.” Dr. Scott agreed, but continued, “However, this would be the most aggressive way to treat it and despite the possible side effects, it is the least invasive. Surgical options may open up in the future, but right now, Bailey’s cancer is too minimal for that.”  
Kelley sighed, “Is there anything we can do to relieve the side effects?” 

“We won’t be able to get rid of the side effects completely. However, we’re going to do our very best at making him comfortable- whether that is prescribing him more medications or just being a support system for him as well as the rest of the family.” 

Hope and Kelley just nodded, and after finalizing details, they agreed to begin treatment the following week. They planned the chemo appointments around times where the whole family could be present, as well as their friends. They figured that the more people keeping Bailey company would make the whole experience less frightening for him. Bailey already had a more serious demeanor than all of the children, so preserving his joy and making him smile as often as possible was everyone’s first priority. Unfortunately, as the weeks went by and the doses of chemo increased, the cancer began to get the best of Bailey, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Hope and Kelley. 

Hope had taken a seat in front of Bailey’s high chair. She pleaded, “Bailey, come on…just a couple more bites. Please? For Mommy?” 

Bailey shook his head and kept his mouth shut. 

Kelley commented from across the table, “Maybe he’s full.” 

“Kell, he’s literally taken two bites. The bowl is still full.” 

Kelley traded places with Hope, “Here…let’s try this…” Kelley proceeded to make all sorts of airplane and train noises, which usually earned a giggle or two from Bailey. But he just gave Kelley a blank stare. 

“Come on, buddy. You have to eat.” Kelley tried prying his mouth open with a spoon, but he quickly swatted it away, leaving its contents all over the floor. 

Hope bent down and cleaned up the mess, “He’s probably not feeling well tonight.” 

“He’s eating less and less these days. His clothes are getting bigger on him, you know.” Kelley observed. 

Noticing Kelley’s frustration, Hope offered, “Hey, let me get him ready for bed.” When Kelley didn’t say anything, Hope picked up Bailey and took him to the nursery where he fell asleep quickly. 

This was the norm most evenings in the O’Hara-Solo household. After treatment, they would come home for dinner. Bailey was losing appetite and would refuse to eat, while other times he would be so exhausted from treatment that he falls asleep during the car ride home. And the few times he did get food into his system, he would often throw it back up due to nausea being the main side effect of chemo. His loss of appetite resulted in weight loss, which then resulted in lack of energy. He spent most of his time taking naps, only being able to handle an hour of play time each day. His behavior only became somber, and Kelley found that she couldn’t make him laugh as much as she used to. Dr. Scott was right- Bailey was becoming more distant. He wasn’t the little boy they knew and loved. 

In addition to the tiring post-dinner routine, nights were far from easy. Bailey would often wake up a few hours after being put to bed due to general discomfort. He would scream and cry until Hope or Kelley attended to him. They walked around the house with him and administered pain medications until he calmed down and fell back asleep. It soon came to the point where Hope and Kelley would stay up until this nightly episode occurred just so they weren’t rudely awakened in the middle of the night. It was draining on the both of them.  
After comforting Bailey one night, Kelley walked back to their room and crawled back into bed. Turning her back to Hope, she quietly started to cry. This, too, had become the norm. Kelley cried herself to sleep almost every night, and all Hope could do was hold her close in silence as her body shook with tears. This night was different though as Kelley began to mumble. 

“What was that, Kell?” 

Kelley slowly turned in bed to face Hope. Tears continued to flow freely down her cheeks, “It’s not fair…he isn’t the same anymore.” 

Hope sighed and tried wiping Kelley’s tears away, “I know…but the doctor warned us about this, remember?” 

“He doesn’t know what’s happening to him and we can’t even begin to explain it. He’s so frail….and just so…sick.” Bitterness could be found in Kelley’s voice. 

Hope nodded as she squeezed Kelley’s hand. Kelley managed to say, “And…and…I can’t do anything about it. That’s the worse part. He’s in so much pain…I would do anything to take his pain away. He’s hurting and…and I can’t…” 

Kelley didn’t even get to finish her sentence as a new wave of tears crashed over her. 

“Life isn’t fair, and we just have to accept that.” 

Hope didn’t know what else to say- there wasn’t much she could say. She hated when people would tell her “Everything’s going to be okay” because most of the time, it wasn’t going to be. She refused to let her hopes up, learning that lesson from all the times she had been disappointed in her life. Kelley was breaking because of this, but Hope was doing everything she could to stay strong. Sometimes she would worry herself into thinking that something was wrong with her- not once has she cried since Bailey’s diagnosis. But she also knew this was how she coped with things. If she were to block out her emotions and insecurities, then maybe she just wouldn’t have to feel anything at all.

The problem with that mindset though was that it often got her into trouble. Hope had pushed her feelings aside when Bailey was born, which prevented her from bonding with him. And while her time away in France helped her bounce back and want to try again, this new obstacle in their lives only made her want to run away and go back into hiding. 

She was shutting down.


	12. Didn't Sign Up For This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the USAvCRC game is delayed due to weather...so here's another chapter for while you wait :)

“Oh, shit…god damn it. Hope?! HOPE!” 

Hope jolted awake, almost waking up Harper who was laying right next to her. She gently shifted herself off the living room couch and whispered, “Charlie, watch Harper for me, okay?” 

Charlie looked up from her coloring book and just nodded. More yelling was coming from upstairs, “For God’s sake…shit….HOPE!” 

“I’m coming! I’m coming!” 

Hope frantically ran upstairs, skipping steps as she listened for Kelley’s voice. She finally arrived in Bailey’s room, stunned by the sight before her. Kelley was clutching Bailey in her lap as she held a trashcan in front of him. He was nauseous, and was so scared by it that he had started to cry. 

Kelley looked up pleadingly, “Hope, he can’t keep anything down. Everything’s come up and it’s not stopping.” 

Hope grimaced as she watched their son’s head fall down into the trash can once more. She knelt down and felt his forehead, “I think a fever is coming again.” 

“What do we do?” Kelley sounded helpless. 

“We need to get him to the hospital before he has nothing left in him.” Hope reasoned and then said, “Meet me in the car in five. I’m going to grab Charlie and Harper.” 

For the second time that month, Bailey was admitted into the hospital. After conversing with Dr. Scott, they decided to administer food to Bailey through a feeding tube. He had dropped way past the acceptable weight for his age and this was the next best option to fix it. Unfortunately, due to how young he was, he would have to stay in the hospital for a minimum of three days to make sure the feeding tube was sufficient and so that his energy could return. Hope and Kelley took turns staying with Bailey at the hospital and going home to the girls. 

Hope had the second night shift, and she absolutely hated it. Once again, she was left alone in the dark, unwelcoming hospital room with her frail, and biological, son. Her thoughts were so loud that they prevented her from sleeping. She had already failed in connecting with Bailey once he was born, and now she felt like she was failing as a mother simply because her son was terminally ill. She stared for hours at the little boy in front of her and wondered how it was possible that a living human could look so lifeless. She couldn’t stand to see him suffer, and suddenly emotions of anger, frustration, grief, and much more overwhelmed her. There was no way she was going to sit here with such feelings, so by early morning, she quickly and unexpectedly got up and left. She just needed some fresh air. 

-

“Hello? Yes, this is she…wait, sorry? She’s not there? Really? Uhm…right, okay. I’ll be there as soon as possible. Kelley was flustered. She quickly dropped the girls off at Ashlyn and Ali’s house before heading to the hospital. 

-

Hope looked at her watch and cursed. She had gone on a run earlier that morning and ended up daydreaming on a park bench. Simply put, she lost track of time. Bailey was supposed to go in for another CT scan at 9 AM, and it was almost noon. She ran the five miles back towards the hospital as fast as her legs would take her, and wounded back up in Bailey’s room, totally out of breath. 

“K..Kell…” Hope took a moment to catch her breath. 

Kelley ushered Hope into the hallway and put her hands on her hips, “Where the hell did you go?!” 

“I…I…I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t just leave Bailey like that! He’s our son!” 

“I just…I needed some air. I lost track of the time and…”

“Really?! What time did you leave?” 

“I don’t know…like around 5 this morning?” 

“So what you’re telling me is that Bailey was alone, at the hospital for crying out loud, for a good five hours or so?!” Kelley’s frustration shined through. 

“I’m sorry!” 

“I almost fell out of my chair this morning when the doctors called asking for a parent to be with Bailey during the CT scan. You know he’s terrified of those! He was in tears by the time I came to the hospital!” 

Hope felt guilty, but tried to make up an excuse, “I didn’t mean to…Kell, I just can’t sit there all night and watch him suffer!” 

“Welcome to reality, Hope! Bailey has cancer! He’s going to suffer for…I don’t even know how long!”

“That doesn’t mean I have to watch this happen and do nothing about it!”

“You can’t do anything about it! I know…it sucks, but all we can do is be right there beside him. He needs us! He needs you!” Kelley pointed out. 

By this time, their voices had gotten louder and to the point where they were much more than hushed whispers. They were now receiving various looks from both staff and other patients’ families, but they didn’t care. 

Hope blew up, “How the fuck do we know if his treatment is working?! Bailey is going through all this shit, and we can’t even be sure that the cancer is disappearing!” 

“Maybe if you weren’t so into yourself and your thoughts, you would remember that he had a CT scan this morning…and those scans are our way of figuring out if he’s making progress!” Kelley said in a matter of fact way. 

“Well what if he’s not getting better? What do we do then, huh???” 

“Why do you even let your mind go there!? Are you always so dark and twisty up there?” Kelley pointed to her head. 

“Well lately, yes! What do you expect? It’s like the world is punishing me for having a child. Like, here Hope, let’s just give your son cancer because regretting having him wasn’t enough!” 

Kelley didn’t want to fight her over that anymore, so she lowered her voice and calmly pointed out, “You haven’t cried once, you know that right? Hope, you don’t have to be strong for all of us. It’s okay to break down, to be sad, to be vulnerable…I’m here going through the exact same thing.” 

Hope didn’t like the fact that Kelley was getting closer to reading her insecurities, so she used anger to deflect how she felt. With a bitter tone and a glare, she replied, “I don’t do happy endings. I am wired to assume the worse.” 

Kelley was sick of trying to get through to her. She exclaimed, “I’ve been spending our entire relationship and marriage trying to rewire you, Hope! You don’t have to believe in that!” 

“That’s just who I am.” 

“Fine! I can usually deal with your shit, but not when you’re hurting our kids. What the hell is wrong with you? You’re so different these days. It’s like your shutting yourself down from everyone around you Charlie misses you helping her get ready for school and Harper misses you paying any sort of attention to her, and now you’ve neglected Bailey when he needs you the most!” 

“How can you say that? I’ve been home this whole damn time helping out!” Hope smirked, “Plus it’s not like Charlie and Harper actually care whether or not I’m around…they have you.” 

“What the fuck does that mean?!”

“I’m not cut out for this! I’m not cut out to be the loving and nurturing mom that you are.” 

“I wasn’t comparing us, Hope…”

The two stood there staring at each other for a good minute. Hope finally spoke up, “This isn’t what I signed up for.” 

“What?” 

“Like…none of this was part of the parenting contract.” 

Kelley ran her hands through her hair as she felt tears come to her eyes. She yelled out in frustration, “God damn it, Hope! There’s no fucking contract! There’s no such thing! You don’t know what’s going to happen when you become a parent! We don’t get to choose what happens to our kids as they grow up! It’s called life! Life happens!” 

“Well then- fuck it. Fuck life.” 

Kelley nodded and repeated, “Yeah. Fuck life…Hope, please…I don’t know who you are anymore. You’re like a stranger to me. I…I just want you back.”   
Hope shrugged and backed away, “I’m sorry…I don’t know if that’s possible.” She left the hospital in haste. 

-

Kelley stayed with Bailey for the rest of the day. She knew Hope was blowing off steam, but wasn’t sure when she’d be back. It was hard to tell these days. She felt a sudden presence in the hospital room and looked up expecting to see Hope, but was surprised to see Ali. 

“Ali? Is everything okay? Are the girls giving you trouble?” Kelley immediately asked in concern. 

“No, no…they’re great. They’re baking cookies with the boys right now.” 

Kelley half-smiled, thankful for her support system through her friends. “Thanks, Ali.” 

“No problem…no worries at all. I just wanted to stop by and check on you guys…where’s Hope?” 

Kelley sighed, “She’s probably cooling down somewhere…we had a fight.”

“Oh? Over her leaving Bailey this morning?” Ali sat down in the available seat next to Kelley, careful to not disturb Bailey who was sleeping.

“It started with that…but there was a lot more to it as well…” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ali offered to be all ears. 

Kelley took a deep breath and admitted, “Hope’s changing.” 

“In what way?” 

“I can’t exactly put my finger on it…she’s been different ever since Bailey was born. More distant, and just afraid to do anything…I thought her time in France would give us time to clear things up, but she came back to all this and now that Bailey’s sick, it’s like she’s falling further down this hole.” 

“Do you have any idea why she’s acting like this?”

“Well understandably, watching Bailey suffer is difficult…but I don’t get why she’s never been close to him. We were doing so well with Charlie and Harper before he came along. I’ll admit that I pressured her for Bailey, but I honestly thought her having a child would enhance our family dynamics…was I wrong?” Kelley wondered. 

“You know, I’ve been thinking…Bailey is so similar to Hope. Just think about it…his demeanor is on the mysterious side, it’s hard to read him, and he’s short of being stoic. You’re the only one who can really make him open up and smile here and there…just like you do for Hope. Don’t you think that Hope can’t find a connection between her and Bailey simply because their personalities are so similar? Kell, you and Hope work so well together because you’re like fire and rain. You’re opposites and you balance each other out. But when you put Bailey and Hope together, it’s like fighting fire with fire…the problem only gets larger.” 

Kelley was half-convinced, “But by that logic, shouldn’t I have issues with Charlie and Harper then?” 

“Well, not exactly…your personalities are so similar, but they bring out the best in each of you. It’s just not the same for Hope and Bailey. Instead of bringing out the best in each other, it’s the worse…unfortunately.” 

Kelley was glad Ali showed up. She was a teammate and friend that had always been one to give good advice. She’s been through hardships similar to this, and knew exactly what to say. Kelley sighed, “But Ali, where is this all coming from? I know Hope has always had a dark side, but…”

Ali nodded in understanding, “I’ve actually done some research on this type of stuff before…one of my family members went through something like this. Hope might be experiencing post-partum depression…it’s a condition where new moms are just simply overwhelmed and disconnected, and no one really knows why.” 

Kelley started to believe her, “Makes sense…but what can I do?”

“I’m not sure there’s much you can do. But I think Hope needs to talk this out with someone who she’s not emotionally involved with. I actually know this really great therapist…he’s helped me a lot- both through my illness in college as well as my injury before the Olympics.” 

Kelley chuckled, “Ali, that may have worked for you, but this is Hope we’re talking about…”

“I know…she’s not going to like it. In fact, I bet you my therapist will want to check her into some rehab program for this. There’s no way Hope is going to make any progress with just once a week sessions…she needs a full program.” 

Kelley wondered why she had to marry someone with so much baggage. Hope wasn’t going to like what Ali suggested, but the least she could do was entertain the idea.


	13. Heartbeat

Ali was right. Hope wasn’t happy about the whole therapy idea- and yet, she found herself standing in the lobby of some sort of therapy/rehab center. She didn’t really have a choice in any of this since Kelley had signed her up without her knowing. Ali’s therapist exclusively designed a three month program for Hope. Discussions with peers and daily therapy sessions were to address a mixture of issues in Hope’s life, mainly her post-partum depression and how to cope when dealing with a terminally ill child. 

After signing papers and figuring out last minute details, it was time for Kelley to leave. Kelley turned to Hope, “I know you don’t fancy this at all, but thanks for giving it a shot. It means a lot to me.” 

“Well I didn’t have a choice, now did I?” Hope harshly responded and crossed her arms, creating a barrier between her and Kelley. 

“Please, don’t be like this. I think this is going to be really good for you…for us.” 

“If you can’t fix me, then who can?” Hope’s voice softened, sounding more desperate than ever. 

Kelley reached for her hand as she said, “I’m here to support you and I love you, Hope.” 

Hope pulled her hand away, distancing herself. Kelley looked down, quite hurt that Hope was acting this way. Hope was sure Kelley would start to cry, and couldn’t bare it anymore, so she decided, “I should go.” 

Kelley quietly said her goodbye, “I just want the old you back.” 

And just like that, they parted their separate ways for the longest time since they’d been together. Hope had the weekends off, and visitors were allowed, but she refused to see anyone- not even the kids, and not even Kelley. Kelley knew she was lashing out and respected her space. She just hated that she couldn’t even receive some update on how Hope was doing, although she had a feeling much progression wasn’t involved. 

Two months had passed and Kelley was finally getting used to her new routine as a single mom. It was difficult, but Alex and Ali helped with driving Charlie to school so she could stay home with the younger ones. Harper was growing up fast, but still with the same calm demeanor and charm she had as a baby. Bailey was hanging in there. The feeding tube seemed to work well and he was slowly gaining some weight back. The chemo treatment proved to be working, but unfortunately, less quickly than the doctors had hoped. Of course, this would all change when Bailey had difficulty breathing and Kelley rushed him into the all familiar hospital. Thankfully, doctors were able to clear his airway, but ran a CT scan anyways to check for complications. 

Kelley sat down in Dr. Scott’s office once again. Everything was the same, but the chair next to her was empty. Dr. Scott walked in and Kelley immediately knew the news wasn’t good. She asked, “What did you find?” 

“Was Hope not able to make it?” Dr. Scott avoided her first question.

“No…she hasn’t been herself lately. It’s been a bit complicated, and stressful.” 

“Is there something we can do to help?”

“No, we’ve got it under control- or at least I hope we do. Dr. Scott, stop beating around the bush. What did the scans show?” Kelley pleaded. “I can take it.” 

Dr. Scott took a deep breath, “I’m so sorry, Kelley. While the chemo appears to be slowly working, the cancer is evolving and it’s started to spread. There’s signs of tumors growing in his lungs as well as other parts of his body, mainly his liver. This cancer is very minimal though since it’s so relatively new. Good news, it’s still treatable, but bad news, Bailey won’t be off chemo for a pretty long time now. Not until we deal with this complication.” 

Kelley gave out a blank stare, doing her best to soak everything in. She understood the doctor, but yet it all seemed like a blur to her. All she knew was that she shook the doctor’s hand within the next five minutes, and abruptly left the building. Shock and rage built up in her as she drove as fast as she could to the place she resented the most: Hope’s treatment center. 

Kelley barged in through the doors and forced her way past the front desk, who called out after her. She didn’t care- she needed to speak with Hope. She scanned the names on each door until stopping when she found what she was looking for. 

Hope was startled by the sudden entrance and before she knew it, she was facing a familiar face, one that she hadn’t seen for so long. “Kelley?” 

“I’m done with your shit.” 

“Excuse me?”

“I have every right to visit you whether you like it or not! I’m your wife, damn it! I haven’t seen you for two months, Hope. I don’t know how you’re doing because the therapist claims that what you two talk about is confidential. Well screw that because I deserve to know. I’m in the blind here!” 

“Well, if you really want to know, not much happens between me and the therapist. I’m not much of a talker.” 

Kelley’s suspicions were confirmed- Hope wasn’t improving. She finally blew up and hit Hope hard with a monologue, “Why are you doing this to me? To our family?! Can’t you just get over your issues and just…be there for us? Remember Charlie and Harper? Our little girls? They miss you and you can’t even give them the time of day! Charlie had a surfing competition this past weekend, she placed first and is now advancing to the next level on her team. I’m so proud of her, and I want to share that with you, but you’re cooped up in this horrible place. She asks about you every week and wishes you were the one driving her to school- not Alex, Ali, or me- just you. And Harper…gosh, Harper is truly something. She’s growing way too fast, and I feel awful for not giving her the attention she needs because I just don’t have the time or energy. And yet, she’s still so charming as ever. She does this thing where she sits outside Bailey’s door whenever he’s asleep, claiming that she’s watching over him and waiting until he gets better so they can play. It’s adorable and heartbreaking at the same time.”

Kelley caught her breath before continuing, “And Bailey? Your son? Yeah, well the doctors found more. His most recent scan lit up like a freaking Christmas tree. We could lose him, Hope! He’s suffering and I’m the only one who gets to watch that because you’re too busy being a coward. I know you don’t give a shit about us anymore, but I needed you to know all this. I need you to know what I’m going through- what it’s like to feel alone. So there you have it- I hope that when you sit in silence pitying yourself, you think of what you’ve done to us. I hope this haunts you at night.” 

Kelley didn’t mean for everything to come out like that, for it to sound so mean and so full of angst. But that was how she felt, and she quickly left, leaving Hope completely dumbfounded and speechless. 

-

“Good morning, Hope.” 

Hope acknowledged her therapist and sat down on the familiar couch. 

“So we’re on week 8, and you’ve said about three sentences to me. Are we going to change that today?” The therapist asked. 

Hope crossed her arms and the two sat in silence for half an hour. Most sessions were like this- the therapist would ask questions here and there, Hope would pace, they would end in silence, and then start again the following day. But today was different. 

“Heartbeats.” Hope murmured. 

The therapist jolted in his seat, surprised to hear anything come out of Hope. “Come again?” 

“I’ve always been fascinated by the heart. It’s truly an amazing organ in our bodies, isn’t it?”

The therapist jotted some notes down and then made eye contact with her, “Why yes, yes it is…what is it about the heart that fascinates you so?” 

“Heartbeats.” Hope repeated softly. “My heart beats all the time, I know, but there have only been a few times in my life that I’ve noticed it.” 

“And those are…?”

“Well my heart tends to beat faster during games, which is expected. It’s become the norm to me. But besides that, I like to place the way my heart beats into two main categories: the good and the bad. The first time I noticed anything was when my father passed away. That was the first time I experienced true heart break. I felt alone. That falls into the bad category. The second time I noticed my heart being irregular was when I met Kelley. Oh god, I would do anything to relive that moment. I thought my heart was beating so loud and so violently that it would leap out of my chest. I tried pushing my feelings aside, but she opened me up. Even until today, my heart skips a beat or two when she looks at me. That falls under the good category. Another time my heart beat for the good was when we won the World Cup. I felt so accomplished, and everything was starting to fall into place in my life. Everything I dreamed about as a kid was coming true.” Hope paused. 

“What was your heart doing when you found out your son was diagnosed with cancer?” The therapist asked, trying to push Hope past her limits. 

Hope’s face darkened, “That falls in the bad category. My heart was beating faster than it ever had before, and I think that’s self-explanatory.” 

The therapist continued to write notes down, “Anything else? Was that all?” 

“No. I can hear my heart beat now.” Hope observed quietly. 

“Would you say this is one of those times that your heart is, as you put it, irregular?”

“Yes.”

“What category does this fall into?”

“Both.” Hope sighed and then said, “Bad- because I’m scared. My heart is skipping beats because I’m afraid of losing Bailey when I never even tried to be his mother in the first place. I’ve dealt with a lot of heartbreak in my life, but nothing can be compared to this. But good- because…” 

“Because what?”

“Because I can feel again. I’m sad, upset, angry, frustrated…I’m finally okay because I can feel.” 

And for the first time in a long, long time, Hope shed a tear.


	14. The Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all are enjoying this story...big chapters ahead!

Kelley hadn’t been the same since Bailey’s latest scan revealed disheartening news. Everyone, but her, noticed the change. Despite the extensive support system from both family and friends, she was exhausted and her smile was fading with each day. Bailey wasn’t showing any sort of progress and it put quite the downer on her. Alex, Tobin, Ali and Ashlyn made the effort to check up on their friend- which often manifested in weekly dinners at Kelley’s place. 

At dinner, their conversation was dull with the group of friends barely getting past surface level topics such as “How was your week?” or “How’s Bailey?” This was highly unusual for the usually vibrant women. Everyone knew Kelley was in a horrible place, but they had never seen her so weak and depressed. She barely looked up from her dinner plate until towards the end when she suddenly excused herself, claiming that she had to get Bailey’s nightly medications in order. 

Once in the kitchen, Kelley gathered the numerous pill bottles, knocking a few down in the process. In haste of picking up the pills, she also knocked over Bailey’s sippy cup full of juice. 

“So many god damn pills…shit!” Kelley picked up the main pill box and threw it against the wall in frustration. 

Watching and hearing everything from the dining room, Ali was the first to get up and walk to her side. She held Kelley by her shoulders, “Kelley, look at me. Calm down. We’ll clean this up…Why don’t you go outside and get some fresh air? Take a break. The kids will be fine with us.” 

Kelley ran her hands through her hair and slowly nodded. 

Alex offered, “Do you want to go for a run? I can come with.” 

“I’m just going to head out myself.” Kelley muttered as she headed for the front door. 

The remaining adults cleaned up the dishes and gathered the kids for bed. Once done, Tobin asked, “Hey, Al, what time is it?”

Looking down at her watch, Alex surprised herself, “Oh, wow. It’s already 10:30.” 

Ashlyn commented, “Should we be worried that Kell isn’t back yet?”

“I don’t think so…at least not yet. She probably went on a longer run than she usually does. She has a lot to think about, so maybe this alone time is refreshing for her.” Tobin responded. 

Ali agreed, “Yeah…Kell doesn’t look good, you guys. I know she’s going through a lot and she hasn’t been herself lately, but she’s close to her breaking point. I can sense it and I’m scared of what that entails. I’ve never seen her so withdrawn. Tobin’s right- let’s just give her space.” 

A few hours and the four friends increasingly became worried. Ashlyn broke the silence, “Alright, it’s pass midnight. Kelley’s been gone for three hours now…something isn’t right.” 

“Let me try calling her.” Alex got out her phone, only to reach voicemail twice. “She’s not answering.” 

Ashlyn decided, “I’m going to look for her.” 

Tobin stood up as well, “I’ll come with you. I know what trails she likes to run on.” 

Ashlyn and Tobin drove around their neighborhood, doing their best to keep an eye out for a single figure. Not finding anything, they drove to the local park, but received no luck their either. 

Tobin’s anxiety was beginning to show, "I don't know where else she could be. She couldn't be far. Should we try calling her again?...Ash?"

When Ashlyn didn't respond, Tobin followed her line of eyesight and noticed she was staring at a small club about a block down from the park. Her expression became solemn as she came to the same realization that Ashlyn had. 

The pair walked towards the bar and before opening the door, Tobin sighed and took a deep breath, "Please don't be in here, Kell." 

Ashlyn and Tobin were suddenly greeted with loud music and the strong smell of alcohol. They pushed through the large crowd of people on dance floor when Ashlyn pointed and yelled, "There she is, Tobin!" 

There was no doubt that Kelley was wasted. Her shirt had come off, fully exposing her training bra. She was very animated- laughing in exaggeration with her arms draped over two strangers. Knowing she loved being the life of the party, both Ashlyn and Tobin knew it was going to be difficult getting her home. 

"Hey you guys!!!" Kelley shouted. 

Ashlyn crossed her arms and sternly replied, "Kelley, let's go." 

Kelley slurred, "Oh come on! The party is just getting started! We're about to do body shots. Wanna join?"

"Shots! Shots! Shots" The group of people surrounding her started to chant. 

"You've had more than enough to drink. Let's go." Ashlyn repeated herself. 

Tobin grabbed Kelley's hand and tried to pry her off the guys, but one of them held a strong grip on Kelley. 

"Get your hands off of her, you douche bag." Ashlyn defended Kelley.

The guy holding Kelley at her waist responded "Chill out, girl...we're just having fun!" 

Another stranger added his two cents, "Yo dude! Whoa! I think these guys play soccer with O'Hara! I know them!" 

Ashlyn turned to Tobin, "Shit, we need to get out of here before too much attention is drawn to us." 

Kelley made it worse by shouting, "Hell yeah! These are my friends. We're pros at the whole soccer thing. I mean that's all we're really good at. Everything else in life sucks ass. Am I right??? Ash? Tobin?" 

Tobin shook her head, "Kelley, that's enough. We need to get you out of here." 

Ashlyn and Tobin grabbed Kelley by both arms and practically dragged her out of the club while a massive group of people followed and shouted the more than familiar "USA USA USA!" Chant. 

Once they finally got out of the bar, Kelley fought off her two friends, "Let go of me!" 

Ashlyn strengthened her grip, "I'm not letting you go until you're in the car." 

"I'm a big girl you know. I know how to get into a car." Kelley rolled her eyes. 

The ride home was silent. With Ashlyn and Tobin trailing behind, Kelley stumbled into the house. 

Alex ran up to them, "Oh my god! What's going on?" 

"Well these two assholes are being party poopers." Kelley slurred.

Ashlyn explained, "She's drunk." 

"I was making friends! It was sharing time! I was telling them how shitty my life is! They were enjoying it!" 

"Oh, Kelley...come on, let's get you to bed." Alex put a hand on her friend's shoulder. 

Kelley quickly backed away and shoved her friend, "Fuck off, Alex!"

Ashlyn lost her cool, "Don't you dare treat Alex like that!" 

"I can do whatever the hell I want! If I want to yell right now, I can. If I want to have some drinks at a bar, I can! So again, fuck off!" 

Tobin quietly tried to calm her down, "Kelley, please, we're trying to help you."

Kelley laughed and raised her voice, "Help me??? You think you can help me? My life has gone to shit. No one can help me now. My fucked up wife has left me alone to take care of our three kids- oh and let's not forget that one of those kids has a god damn incurable disease. I'm way past help."

Alex tried to console her, "No you're not. Things are unbelievably hard right now, but we're here for you, Kelley- we're always going to be." 

"Just leave me alone." 

Ali agreed, "You can always talk to us. You don't need to internalize everything. No one should go through all this alone."

"Well maybe I want to be alone." 

"Kelley you're not even making sense anymore. You need to pull yourself together- if not for us, then for the sake of your kids." Ashlyn added. 

"Don't you dare tell me to pull myself together!" Kelley yelled. 

"Stop yelling and calm down. You're going to wake up-" Before Tobin could finish her sentence, crying was heard from down the hall. Tobin sighed, "I was trying to avoid that from happening." 

Kelley's face softened for a slight second. "That's Bailey." She tried walking towards his room but ended up stumbling along the way. 

"Whoa, where do you think you're going?" Ashlyn stopped her.

"Screw you, Ash. He's my kid." Kelley scowled. 

"He'll be okay. I'm not letting you near him when you're like this. No way. If you're going to care for him, you can't just walk off and get wasted. You know better, Kell." Ashlyn explained. 

"What part of my kid did you not get?! Now move out of the fucking way!" Kelley tried shoving her friend aside. 

Another child started to cry when Ashlyn gripped Kelley, "You're coming back to our place before you wake up all the children. Tobin, can you help me?" 

"What am I? Your prisoner???" Kelley yelled as she kicked them away and tried to relieve herself from their grip. "I hate you guys! You have no right! I'm his mother! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"

Alex, Tobin, Ali, and Ashlyn looked at each other in disbelief. They had experienced Kelley drunk many times before, but this was different- she wasn't only out of hand, she was broken and deep down, they could tell she was terrified. Unfortunately, this was her way of coping with such a breakdown. She was right in some ways- life was incredibly difficult and there wasn't much they could do. All they could do for now was get their kicking and screaming friend into bed. 

The following morning, Alex drove over to Ashlyn and Ali’s place to check on Kelley. Ashlyn had stayed with her overnight, but she wanted to talk with her and at least try and figure out if there was anything she wanted to talk about. 

Walking through the front door, Alex asked Ashlyn, “How is she?” 

“Well, it took another hour before she fell asleep. She’s obviously exhausted, and…” Ashlyn checked her watch, “And she’s been throwing up for the past hour. So, not the best, but definitely more coherent than last night. She’s in the guest room right now if you want to go up and check on her.” 

“Thanks for taking care of her, Ash.” 

Alex knocked on the door, "Kelley?" She walked into the adjacent bathroom and found Kelley kneeled over the toilet. She rubbed her back and helped her get up, "I'm sorry, Kell..." 

Kelley sat down on the bed and looked at her friend, "How bad was it?" 

"I don't think you want to know."

"Don't sugar coat it, Al. You can tell me. How bad was it?" Kelley repeated. 

"Essentially, your shirt was off, you reeked like vodka, you told us to fuck off every other sentence, and you woke up the kids. That's why we had to bring you here." Alex recalled the previous night. 

Kelley sighed and quietly asked, "Are the kids okay?" 

"Tobin and Ali are with them at our place."

Silence hung over the room before Alex pointed out, "Kell, this isn't like you."

"I know." Kelley admitted.

"You've shut us out ever since we found out Bailey needs more treatment. You don't need to do that. What are you thinking about? Please talk to me." 

Kelley ignored her and just laid down. Alex continued, "Kelley, you don't have to be strong all the time. We can all tell that you're internalizing everything...you don't need to keep everything to yourself. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad...we'll be sad with you. No matter what, we'll be by your side."

Kelley sighed, "Thanks for everything that you've done. I appreciate all of your guy's support. I really do...but right now I need some time to myself. Last night won't happen again, I promise, but please...I can't explain to you how I feel right now. And you're going to have to accept that for now." 

Alex squeezed her friend's hand and headed out of the room, "Okay...just know we love you, Kelley. And I respect you for wanting your own space....but there's one person here who might make you reconsider that." 

Kelley looked up in confusion and then her eyes slowly drifted to the doorway as she realized a certain figure had replaced Alex in the doorway.

Kelley's voice trembled, "Hope?" 

"Hey Kell."


	15. What About Me?

“Wh…what are you doing here?” Kelley stuttered. Eyeing the taller woman, Kelley felt herself become defensive. She didn’t want to show Hope that she was breaking down, and she definitely wasn’t in the mood for another fight. 

“Alex came by this morning and told me about last night.” 

“So now you’ve decided to care?” 

“It’s not like that.” 

Hope walked towards Kelley and started to reach her hand out. Kelley quickly stopped her, “Don’t touch me.” 

Hope froze. Her eyes softened as she pleaded, “Kelley, please forgive me.” 

“I don’t know what to say…you’ve made things so…unbearable.” Kelley stood her ground. 

Hope explained, “I know. And I’m sorry. I knew something wasn’t right the minute Bailey was born. I should’ve recognized that instead of shutting down and shutting you out of my life, especially during times like these. I figured, if I were to ignore all my feelings then maybe being ignorant would make all of this better. But I was wrong. This whole time, my feelings have been cooped up inside and building and building until I couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve had the chance to balance everything out though recently and I just want you to know that I’m trying. I don’t deserve your support, but I need you.” 

Kelley wasn’t ready to give in just yet, so she didn’t say anything for awhile. Hope patiently stared, waiting for a response until Kelley couldn’t take her stare any longer and looked away. She muttered, “What about me?” 

Hope tried to understand, “You?”

“Yeah. What about me?” Kelley repeated but then continued, “I’ve been here going through the same things as you’ve been. Maybe not the post-partum depression, but watching Bailey suffer through his terminal disease. I hate watching our son shut down- basically in the same way you do. He looks at me and I can’t read him, and that makes me feel terrible as a parent. And I try so hard.” 

Hope took a step closer to Kelley, noticing that tears were evident in her eyes, which indicated that Kelley was giving in. 

The first tear rolled down her cheek as Kelley exclaimed, “Not once have you asked if I was okay! Not once have you asked how I was doing.” 

Hope had finally reached the edge of the bed, sat down, and pulled Kelley in for a hug. As soon as she did, Kelley broke down into sobs and started to get out a couple words, “I…I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” 

Hope was surprised to hear an apology coming from Kelley and pulled apart from the hug. She looked straight at her and said, “Hey, what are you apologizing for? I’m the only one here who should be asking for forgiveness.”

“I…I shouldn’t have lost control last night. I know what alcohol does to me, and yet I chose it. The kids could’ve needed me and…”

Hope interrupted, “Well, they didn’t need you, thankfully. You’ve done so much for them Kelley- you’ve been there when I haven’t. I can see why you felt like you needed an out. You reached your breaking point, just like I did. But the difference was that your breaking point was because of me. I haven’t been there for you when you’ve needed me to.” 

Kelley felt herself start to tremble, “N…no…but that’s not all…I..I…”

“Kell, take your time. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” Hope squeezed her shoulder. 

“I should have never pressured you into another baby. I don’t know what got into me, but I ignored your wishes and this whole time I’ve been feeling so guilty for putting you in this position. I feel like I’m at the root of all your problems and…”

Hope sternly cut her off, “Stop. Stop it, right there. Kelley, you are not my problems. I’ve been dealing with this my whole life. When things get tough, I shut down and put up a front. That’s just who I am. If anything, you’ve helped me open up- you never caused any of this.”

“But Bailey…”

“Yes, maybe you shouldn’t have pressured me, but I still chose to get pregnant. That was my decision, not yours.” 

“But if you never had Bailey, we wouldn’t be where we were today. We wouldn’t be at the hospital every day or giving Bailey all his damn medication. I’m sorry. I can’t…”

“Listen to me, Kell.” Hope felt herself get a little choked up, “Y…you don’t need to be sorry for anything. The way I’ve been acting is completely unacceptable, and you’re breaking because of me. I broke you.”

Kelley held onto Hope as she questioned, “Wh...when is this going to stop being hard, huh? Can you tell me that? What did we do to deserve this? Why is our kid sick? What two year old deserves cancer? I’m scared, Hope. I’m walking on ice every day, not knowing whether or not Bailey is going to make it through the day or if you’re going to leave us again.”

“I hate saying this when we don’t know what the future holds, but I need to- it’s the only comfort we have…Bailey is going to be okay. I believe that, and I need you to as well.” Hope nestled her head in Kelley’s shoulder and whispered.

“And I’m not going to leave you. I’m right here.”


	16. Band-Aids Don't Fix Bullet Holes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The previous chapter was sort of short, so I thought I would upload the next one :) Two chapters on the same day! Cheers!

They were doing better. 

Hope and Kelley knew they were going to be okay after Kelley had broken down that morning. Just like before, they were coming out of a difficult situation so much stronger as a team. There was no need for more fighting, just constructive discussions, and the notion of moving forward had been so appealing to them. 

Kelley had finally been able to get everything off her chest, and frankly, she was just glad to have Hope home. No more awkward silences around each other and no more not knowing what side of Hope she would get on a daily basis. It was truly nice to have her partner in crime back. 

Similarly, Hope loved being home. Not only did she get to wake up next to Kelley every morning once again, she was getting a second chance at making amends with the kids. She knew she had missed out on a lot lately and she knew she couldn’t fully make up for lost time, but she was going to do her darn best. She started with little things like tucking the kids in at night. 

But band-aids don’t fix bullet holes. 

There was truth to that one Taylor Swift song. Hope knew mending her relationships with her family wasn’t going to be easy, but she was impatient and was harder on herself for what she put them through. No matter how many times Kelley tried to convince her that not all was lost, she couldn’t help but regret the way she had been throughout this whole situation. There was just a lot of healing ahead. 

Harper was the easiest to gain back trust. Hope had always been closest to her just because of her easy going nature, and simply because she was young. She didn’t quite understand what was going on. Charlie was a little bit more difficult to answer since she was curious and more likely to catch onto things. She questioned Hope often- “Where did you?” or “Why did you leave us?” or “Do you love me still?” Hope did her best to answer Charlie, but the little girl was extra cautious around her. She knew that Kelley had been so unhappy these last few months, often finding her crying herself to sleep. Knowing how close and protective Charlie was of Kelley, Hope thought it only made sense for her to be more reluctant in trusting.

But once again, Bailey was the main issue. 

Hope thought that maybe because he was so young, it would also be easy to just get back on track with him. But she was wrong. To Bailey, Hope was just a stranger. They never created a bond together and Hope frightened him. He had been so used to Kelley taking care of him this whole time, and being the closed off and quiet child that he was, it could take a lot of work to get him to open up. Hope realized that this wasn’t going to be easy, and she hated herself for being the main reason for it. But unlike the Hope from the very beginning of all this, she wasn’t going to shut down. She was going to fight for her son. She needed him more than anyone could imagine.

-

One night, Kelley had just finished folding some laundry when she walked upstairs and noticed Hope standing outside of Bailey’s room. These days, she let Hope tuck in Charlie and Harper, just so they could warm up to her again. Bailey, on the other hand, was a little more difficult, so that was mostly Kelley’s area of expertise, but much to Hope’s dismay. 

Kelley quietly walked up and wrapped her hands around Hope’s waist. She whispered, “How long have you been standing out here?”

“Enough time for me to think.” Hope responded as she held Kelley close.

“To think about going in?” Kelley looked into Bailey’s room. “Hope, you don’t have to be afraid of checking on him.”

“I…I think this distance is good for now.” Hope grimaced. 

Kelley sighed, knowing that it was killing Hope that she couldn’t even comfort or be around their son. “Hey, don’t be too hard on yourself…it’s going to take time.” 

“I know. I just…I just want to be able to be there. To make up for what I’ve done to him. I just need him to know that I love him.”

“He does know.”

“Really? Because every time I pick him up, he starts to cry.” Hope reasoned. 

Kelley laid her head on Hope’s shoulder, “Like I said, just give it some time…why don’t we work on getting him to warm up around you over the next few weeks. And then maybe you two can go on a little outing together?”

“I’d like that.” Hope smiled. Peering in one last night to make sure Bailey was sound asleep, she quietly shut the door and walked back with Kelley to their room. 

-

Just as Kelley had predicted, Bailey had gotten used to having Hope around the house. He still gravitated towards Kelley, but allowed Hope to carry him here and there. One Sunday morning, Hope offered to watch both Bailey and Harper so Kelley could take Charlie surfing. 

Strapping Bailey into a stroller and holding Harper hand in hand, Hope decided to take the two little ones to the neighborhood park. She placed both children on the swings, and to her delight, Bailey seemed to enjoy it. 

“Mo mo mo!” Bailey shouted. 

Hope chuckled, “Buddy, this is as high as you can go!” 

Bailey smiled and shook his head, “No mo mo mo!”

Harper laughed and commented, “Mama, Bay wee’s silly!”

“He sure is.” Hope was really happy with how the day was going. She hadn’t seen Bailey have this much fun in a long time. He was usually stuck in bed with little energy. She let them play around the park for a little while longer before taking them home, not wanting to wear out all their energy. After feeding them a snack, Hope laid Bailey down for a nap and put in a movie to watch with Harper. She couldn’t be happier spending more time with the kids. 

However, about halfway through the movie, Hope heard Bailey crying and quickly entered his room. “What’s up, little man?”

Bailey was holding his stomach and tried to communicate, “Owie…” 

“Stomach ache?” Hope picked him up and went to the bathroom to give him some medicine. Unfortunately, an hour later, Bailey was still complaining. 

“Mommy, owie…”

Hope looked down at Bailey and raised an eyebrow, “Really? The Tylenol should’ve kicked in already…”

Bailey’s cries started getting louder as he screamed, “Owieeeeeeee...Mama! Me want Mama!” 

Hope nervously explained, “Buddy, Mama isn’t home right now…shhh…I’m sorry your stomach is hurting.” 

“No Mama!” Bailey wandered off down the hallway and into his parent’s room, knowing that’s where to find Kelley. He looked around and realized Kelley wasn’t home, and started to panic. He screamed, “Mama!”

Although he didn’t like it, Hope picked him up and noticed he was getting extra hot. Knowing a fever was underway, Hope gathered everyone into the car and headed to the hospital. What could it be now? She called Kelley on the way. 

“Hello?”

“Kell, I’m driving Bailey to the hospital right now.”

“What? What happened?” 

“He’s complaining of a stomach ache, and I think another fever is coming. I want the doctors to check him out just in case.” 

“Alright, Charlie and I just got out of the water. We’ll meet you there soon?”

“Sounds like a plan.” 

Arriving at the hospital first, Hope brought Bailey in. As she expected, the doctors wanted to run more tests. Of course, this didn’t sit well with Bailey. 

The doctor ordered, “Ms. Solo, we need to do a blood test. Could you hold him still for us?” 

Hope grimaced, knowing this would be a difficult task. “Uhm, I’ll try...”

Bailey continued to cry and as soon as he recognized the blood test packaging, he knew the doctors were going to poke him. He squirmed, “No no no! Mama! Me want Mama!” 

Hope held him tight, “Buddy, Mama is coming…the doctors are going to make you feel better. Shhh…”

“No!” Bailey’s cries had turned into screams. He started to fidget more. 

“M’aam, we can’t draw the blood test if he keeps moving. Please, he needs to sit still.” 

Hope sighed, getting irritated by the emergency room doctor for not understanding the complicated situation at hand. She fought Bailey, “Buddy, you cannot move. Please…” 

Bailey shrieked as tears continued to roll down his face. As if on cue, Kelley rushed in to the room. Hope sighed in relief, “Oh thank God.” 

Kelley quickly switched places with Hope, and Bailey latched onto her. “Mama! No, Mama! It hurts…”

Kelley nestled herself into the little boy’s shoulder and kissed him, “I know, buddy. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

Bailey had stopped moving in Kelley’s arms and the doctors were able to quickly draw some blood. His stomach pain still hadn’t gone away, so he continued to cry softly. “Make it stop…”

“Shh…you’re going to be okay. The doctors are going to fix you. I’m right here.” Kelley hugged him. 

Hope looked on, envious of Kelley’s relationship with Bailey. She knew she had herself to blame, but she wanted more than anything to be the one to comfort their son. She gave Kelley half a smile, glad she was calming him down, but at the same time, wishing she was in her place. 

By night time, the temporary and stronger pain meds that the doctors put in an IV directly in him seemed to have kicked in as Bailey drifted off to sleep. Kelley gently laid him down, and walked outside to where Hope was waiting with their other two kids. She noticed Hope had just finished talking with a doctor. 

“Hey, what did he say?” Kelley approached Hope. 

Hope looked at her sternly, “It’s not good, Kell.”

“What?” 

“His abdomen is swollen and scans are showing growth of leukemia cells in his liver. It’s really aggressive, and there’s not much else the doctors can do. He needs a liver transplant.” Hope explained. 

Kelley looked up to the ceiling, fighting back tears. She shook her head, as if she was having a conversation with a higher power. She asked out of desperation, “When is this going to end?”


	17. Hopeless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, we're getting towards the end of this story now...thanks for sticking through all the ups (and mostly) downs. I promise it'll get better :)

After finding out Bailey needed a transplant, both Hope and Kelley decided to test themselves to see if they could be a possible match. Dr. Scott rushed the results and opened up the large envelope. She began, “So, Kelley…”

“Is not a match?” Kelley predicted. 

“Yes, unfortunately.” 

Kelley knew she probably wouldn’t match Bailey, but she thought she’d give it a shot anyways. She sighed, “Well, that was expected…”

Dr. Scott turned to Hope, “Alright, and Hope is…also not a match, I’m afraid.”

Hope loosened her grip on Kelley’s hand and looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone in the room. Kelley rubbed her shoulder and looked up at Dr. Scott, “So what does this mean?”

“Well Bailey will remain on the transplant list. Unfortunately, he is not first since there are other kids before him. But right now, all we can do is wait.” 

“You’re kidding me, right? That’s how it works? That’s ridiculous.” Hope scoffed. 

Dr. Scott nodded, “I know…I’m sorry, but there’s really nothing else we can do.” 

“I’m not going to wait and watch my son die!” Hope’s voice rose. 

Kelley squeezed her hand, “Hey, they’ve done everything they can…” 

“This is unbelievable.” Hope harshly stated and then quickly exited the room. 

Kelley followed her and tried to calm her down, “Hope, this is our next best option, and you know it.” 

Hope shook her head, “How am I not a match?!” 

Kelley sighed, knowing the results of the blood tests had set her off. “Well, you just aren’t. We have no control over it.” 

“I’m his biological mother for crying out loud!” 

“Right, but that doesn’t mean you’re a match. I know, it sucks, but all we can do is make Bailey comfortable now, okay?” 

“And you’re okay with that?!” Hope shouted. 

“No, of course not! But I have to be. Remember what you said? We have to believe he’s going to be okay.” Kelley’s voice trembled. 

Hope didn’t mean to get so worked up about this, so she apologized, “Sorry, Kell…I…I’m just frustrated that we can’t do anything else right now. I hate waiting.” 

“I know, I know…everything will work out.” Kelley tried to say as confidently as she could. 

-

Months passed and Kelley’s confidence began to waver. Bailey was getting weaker by the day and they still hadn’t heard anything from the organ transplant team. Bailey had gotten so sick that he was once admitted to the hospital again, and the doctors refused to release him. 

Their entire family basically lived at the hospital, just so they could spend every precious minute with Bailey. Alex, Tobin, Ashlyn, and Ali also joined them whenever they could, even though Bailey spent most of his days napping. 

Dr. Scott walked into their hospital room, “Hope? Kelley? Can I talk to you privately?” 

Hope and Kelley nodded, leaving the kids with their friends. The three adults entered the hallway, and Hope eagerly asked, “Is there a match?” 

Dr. Scott sighed and sadly replied, “No, not yet…but there’s been a notion to bump Bailey to be first on the transplant list due to his deteriorating condition.” 

“Well, that’s…good.” Hope sounded unsure. 

“Yes, it is good, but I need to prepare you two. Bailey is really, really sick…” 

Kelley felt tears form in her eyes. From all the crying she had done over the past year or so, you would think she wouldn’t have any tears left. She clung to Hope and shook her head, “No…no…I don’t want to hear this.”

Hope motioned for Dr. Scott to continue, even though she wasn’t looking forward to what she had to say. Dr. Scott explained, “Bailey’s body is starting to shut down as his liver worsens. Without a transplant, it’s highly unlikely he’s going to make it until the end of the week. I just need you two to understand that.” 

Kelley was bawling into Hope’s chest and Hope nodded for the both of them, “We…we understand.” 

“We will notify you as soon as there’s any news of an available match. I’m so sorry.” 

After the doctor left, Kelley looked up at Hope and sincerely asked, “He’s not going to make it, is he?”

Hope swallowed back tears, “D…don’t say that, Kell.”

“Look at Bailey, Hope…he’s fading. It’s like he’s not even here anymore.”

“He’s first on the list. Miracles happen, Kell.” Hope couldn’t believe she was saying this herself. Out of all people, she would be the last one to believe in miracles. She sighed, “We just have to believe.” 

“I don’t think I can anymore.” Kelley gave up. 

The next few days dragged on as everyone impatiently waited more news from the doctors. Bailey’s breathing had become shallow and their friends decided it was best to give Hope and Kelley, and the rest of their family time alone. Lately, Kelley was having a hard time being in the same room with Bailey, not wanting to accept the condition he was in. She spent most of her time with Charlie and Harper while Hope sat by his side. After grabbing a cup of coffee from the hospital café one evening, Hope returned to Bailey’s room but stopped as she noticed Kelley had gone inside. She listened closely. 

“Bailey, Mama loves you…” Hope heard as Kelley immediately broke down into tears. Kelley continued, “I love you, little man. I know you’re hanging in there, but…but…” 

Bailey squirmed in his bed and reached out for Kelley’s hand, trying to say something that was in audible. Kelley squeezed his hand and took a deep breath. “You don’t have to hang on anymore, buddy…I know it hurts, but it’s okay. You can go. Mommy and I are going to be okay. We love you.” 

Hope wiped away tears. She had never pictured herself watching Kelley saying goodbye to any of their children. It broke her heat. She entered the room and announced softly, “Kell…do you need some time?”

Kelley nodded and kissed Hope on the cheek. “I’ll be outside with Charlie and Harper.” 

Hope nodded back and placed her coffee down on a table. She quietly climbed into bed, a bit surprised that Bailey allowed her to. She snuggled close to him and whispered, “I love you, Bailey.” She continued to lay by his side, his small body pressed up against hers. After a little while in silence, she noticed Bailey’s heart beat against her own. She laid her head closer to his chest, finding the faint beat of his heart somewhat comforting. For a slight second, she thought that their hearts were almost as one. A tear rolled down her face as she whispered, “Buddy, you can let go…” 

Hope started to drift to sleep when she felt a pair of hands tug on her shirt. She looked down and noticed Bailey was trying to say something. She lifted the oxygen mask from his face and said, “Hi, buddy…” 

“Mo…mommy.” Bailey managed to get out. 

“I’m right here, sweet boy. Is there anything you need? Do you want mama?” 

“I…I don’t want to go.”

“Hm? Go where?” Hope was a bit confused at first and then realized what Bailey meant. She sighed, “I know you’re a fighter, but it’s okay…we love you.” 

Bailey shook his head and breathed deeply, “I…stay…I wanna stay.” 

“Do you want me to get Mama?” Hope suggested, knowing that Kelley would want to be here during the rare time that Bailey was awake. 

Bailey shook his head slowly, “No…I wanna stay…with you.” 

Hope almost lost it, but stayed composed for Bailey’s sake. She had finally found the connection between her and Bailey. She finally felt both her and Bailey open up to each other, and as soon as that happened, Hope was able to think clearer and for the first time, she didn’t feel hopeless. 

For some reason, everything was beginning to fall into place, and as if on cue, Kelley ran into the room glowing with the most relieved expression on her face. 

“They found a match!”


	18. Heart and Soul

One year had passed since Bailey’s live transplant.

 

One year of being cancer free, or what most people like to call it, “in remission.” This was a huge milestone not only for Bailey’s recovery, but for the mending relationship between Hope and her family. This was something truly worth celebrating, so Kelley and Hope thought it was most fitting to throw a little celebration and invite all their friends to their place.

 

With the six adults being professional soccer players, it was no surprise that a little backyard soccer game came about.

 

Addy, Tobin and Alex’s little girl, dribbled the ball a couple feet, nutmegged Ali, and scored a goal past Ashlyn. She cheered and high fived both her parents. Harper hugged her best friend and exclaimed, “Yay! Good job, Addy!”

 

Ali had her hands on her knees, almost out of breath, “Goodness gracious, you guys have a professional soccer player here.”

 

Hope laughed from the other end where she stood in her mini goal, “Don’t we all?!”

 

Ali smiled, “True, but gosh, Addy is like a Tobin-Alex hybrid. She moves like lightning and her footwork is incredible. She just nutmegged the greatest defender in the world!”

 

“Hey!” Kelley sounded offended.

 

Tobin chuckled, “Kell- you play like every other position. You’re fine.”

 

Kelley grabbed the ball, “Alright, let’s get the second half underway.”

 

Everyone kicked the ball around and more goals were scored. The ball eventually landed at Bailey’s feet who looked up at nervously at Kelley. Kelley’s grin widened as she exclaimed, “Buddy, kick it!”

 

Bailey began kicking it downfield with Kelley holding his hand as he ran. Everyone looked on and cheered. Charlie yelled, “Come on, Bailey! You can do it!”

 

Kelley and Bailey eventually reached the goal where Hope was standing. Kelley exclaimed again, “Kick it!”

 

Bailey kicked the ball as hard as he could and it flew right through Hope’s legs and into the goal. Kelley cheered the loudest and gave him a quick hug. He giggled and shouted, “GOAAAALLLLL!”

 

Beaming proudly, Hope bent down and motioned Bailey to come towards her. He wriggled out of Kelley’s embrace and ran straight for Hope. She picked him up and twirled him around, “That’s my boy!”

 

Kelley couldn’t resist and grabbed her phone on the nearby table. She quickly snapped a picture, so proud of how far Hope and Bailey’s relationship had come. She ran over and hugged the both of them, earning a quick peck on the lips from Hope.

 

-

 

Later that night, after all the kids had gone to bed, Hope and Kelley sat down together on their living room couch.

 

Hope put an arm around Kelley and took a deep breath, “It’s been quite a year, hasn’t it?”

 

Kelley snuggled closer to Hope and quietly agreed, “Yeah…but we made it.”

 

“With no thanks to me.”

 

“Hey, stop doing that to yourself.” Kelley looked up with sincerity in her eyes. “You have to stop dwelling on the past…we’re okay now. We’re in a good place again.”

 

Hope sighed, “I know…I don’t know how you put up with me. Thanks for saving me, Kell.”

 

“I mean you were pretty hopeless before I caught your eye…” Kelley giggled, “See what I did there?”

 

“Your Hope puns don’t even phase me anymore.”

 

“You know, your life would be so excited without me.”

 

“You and the kids keep me young.” Hope laughed.

 

Kelley laughed with her and then got quiet. She wrapped her arms around Hope, nestling her head into her chest and said, “Do you still regret having Bailey?”

 

“Of course not!” Hope was quick to respond. “I don’t regret any of our kids…we’ve been through so much together and Bailey will always be extra special to me. He warms my heart.” Hope said softly.

 

“Wow, Solo actually has a heart?” Kelley joked.

 

Hope playfully hit her arm and smiled, “Hey! You should know- you’re the one who captured it years ago.”

 

“Yeah, you’re mine. Don’t ever forget that.”

 

“Never.”

 

Hope leaned down and breathed in Kelley’s scent before kissing her forehead. If you asked her where she saw herself in the future about ten years ago, she would have never pictured this. Her family had been through ups and downs, but they gave her a newfound strength that nothing, not even soccer, had given her before. She never thought she could open her heart and share it with anyone other than Kelley, nevertheless her own little boy.

 

This was her happy ending, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.  

 

**fin.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading this story. It was my first one and I was really happy with all your support. I have been working on a second story also focusing on Hope and Kelley, and the first chapter of that should be posted later today. It'll have a slightly different writing style than this- much more thoughts rather than dialogue, if that makes sense. So if you get the chance, check it out! I'm excited to share it with everyone :)


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